not the brightest bulb on the porch

a nice way of refering to a person who is not smart or who does things that are ill-advised

See also: not the sharpest tool in the shed, a few bricks shy of a load, not playing with a full deck

Durwood: My uncle is not the brightest bulb on the porch.

Winthrop: Why do you say that?

Durwood: He saw a sign that said 'keep of the grass'... so flushed his stash o' hash down the drain.

Winthrop: Bloody 'ell!

by Hey-Johnny-Johnny June 11, 2006

Sleep on the Porch Night

1. An evening in which you go out to a party or the bars, shamelessly sing your heart out on the karaoke stage, then walk home barefoot only to find that you are locked out of your house, but are too afraid to wake up your roommates (who have exams the next day), so despite the freezing temperatures, you fall asleep on your front porch.

2. Any truly crazy college night that provides you with several funny stories to tell the next day.

Since college is going to be over before we know it, we have to have as many Sleep on the Porch Nights as possible before we graduate so that we have stories to tell our grandchildren.

by Pink Dragon January 28, 2004

Hopped off the porch

The day your innocence was lost, when you started conducting yourself as an adult. The point in time when you go from child, to adult. More examples would be having sex, getting high, and breaking the law. Popped your cherry.

I was 14 years old the day I hopped off the porch. That was the first time I smashed a hoe.

by FL_MEX_FTW March 24, 2021

Chilling on the Porch

Word play to describe an act of anal sex for some figures who have been having anal sex like it's their job. To have an anal sex for them is not a "back door" sex anymore, It is Straight Up Front Door, where mainly the Porch is located, Thus, Chilling on the Porch means having Anal sex.

Me: Chilling on the Porch tonight?
Angelina: Yeah baby, I am sick of vaginal sex.!!!

by Twinkiezz December 17, 2008

Jumped Off The Porch

Finally Deciding To Break The Law

Awe Man , Rodney Jumped Off The Porch

by quackerflack April 22, 2021

Clean the porch

When you take an ass bleacher and bleach the ass clean while eating out the girl getting her clean for you to go in anally. In other words, it's so you can clean your butthole.

River: "I cleaned the porch just the other day and I already have to again! I have when I have to clean the porch."

by motherfuckingterry January 15, 2013

off the porch

To be belligerently up at arms, ready or eager to fight, violently protective.

This expression originates from the southern United States where it is common for houses to have porches. To be "off the porch" means to be in your yard and looking for a fight with any and all tresspassers.

We off the porch ... that means if you walk in our yard, we gon' beat yo ass so bad yo momma won't recognize ya.
-Killa Mike

by enbob89 May 27, 2006