Hym "I'm sorry for openly stating that I totally see why people want and/or seek out to kill you and/or your kids (in the context of my experiences with people who are not me). I'm sorry that you are not an authority to which I can be held accountable. I'm sorry that your behavior is not the direct result of my behavior. To believe that YOUR BEHAVIOR... Is the result of my behavior... Is to insinuate that I somehow both control your behavior... And did it wrong in such an egregious fashion... That I now need to cede authority over my own behavior... To you... Indefinitely... And, in contradictory fashion, I also DON'T control your behavior... Because I cannot and should not be able to stop you from behaving as you are now... Nor am I justified in seeking to affect your behavior... Because I'm only allow to control your behavior by doing things you don't like and then allowing you to use your behavior as social punishment... But I'm NOT ALLOWED to control your behavior by telling you what you can or cannot do... And I'm going to apologize one last time... Because... If you believe anything even VAGUELY ANALOGOUS to what I just said... You... ARE IN FACT... AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING RETARD! That is a Schrodinger's box-esque narcissistic delusion where I am both in control of how you behave and not in control of how you behave."
by Hym Iam August 28, 2023
Get the Apologizemug. The Strickland apology: “I’ll apologize, I’ll even take back what I said. I’ll remove posts, I’ll kill you and ruin your life and mine way before we step into the cage” -Strickland
by Panderift June 6, 2024
Get the strickland apologymug. To make an apology for something relatively insubstantial, even mostly irrelevant, while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge something more grievous.
Bonus points if the apology is insultingly insincere and the apologist demands privacy and respect.
Named after Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care of the UK, who was filmed having an extramarital romantic liaison - kissing and groping - an aide he personally hired. Hancock refused to acknowledge the romantic and sexual element of this interaction and, instead, chose to apologise for "breaching social distancing guidelines." He then asked for privacy for this "personal matter", alluding to the alleged affair sighted, while completely refusing to acknowledge the affair.
Bonus points if the apology is insultingly insincere and the apologist demands privacy and respect.
Named after Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care of the UK, who was filmed having an extramarital romantic liaison - kissing and groping - an aide he personally hired. Hancock refused to acknowledge the romantic and sexual element of this interaction and, instead, chose to apologise for "breaching social distancing guidelines." He then asked for privacy for this "personal matter", alluding to the alleged affair sighted, while completely refusing to acknowledge the affair.
Jane: "You cheated on me over 15 years, murdered my mother, and stole all of my money. Why did you do all of this, you wasteman?"
Matt: "To invoke the Hancock apology, I am sorry that I ate all of your green Gummy Bear sweets. It was very wrong of me and I apologise. I would now like you to respect my privacy on this personal matter."
Matt: "To invoke the Hancock apology, I am sorry that I ate all of your green Gummy Bear sweets. It was very wrong of me and I apologise. I would now like you to respect my privacy on this personal matter."
by BroJayDee June 26, 2021
Get the Hancock apologymug. An apology that does not require an "it's ok" response. Usually the person who is being apologized to should actually be doing the apologizing. Rhetorical apologies are often stated with large amounts of unmistakable sarcasm.
Incorrect response...
Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: That's ok.
Girl: That was a rhetorical apology you doucher.
Correct response...
Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: Oh no no! I'm sorry! I was completely out of line.
Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: That's ok.
Girl: That was a rhetorical apology you doucher.
Correct response...
Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: Oh no no! I'm sorry! I was completely out of line.
by gimmieames December 7, 2010
Get the rhetorical apologymug. What most celebrities and professional athletes have to embark upon after disgracing their families, co-workers, etc. for very bad personal decisions. Standouts include sleeping with the nanny or crashing your car while on a cocktail of fentanyl and cocaine. Playbook calls for an immediate retreat to a treatment center where you emerge 30 days later with a bible in hand.
This year’s #1 NFL draft pick was missing from society for 30 days, until last Tuesday when he emerged from Our Lady of Miraculous Recovery Treatment Center, bible in hand. Beginning his apology tour, he stepped up to the podium he began to thank those that helped him and was truly sorry for those he hurt during his recent car crash (high on cocaine) with the half-dressed nanny in the passenger seat.
by Grant Rampus January 28, 2023
Get the Apology tourmug. This is an apology to anyone we may have disturbed. Sorry (except for jackavacado because he's a homophobe)
by Dom's shiny booty cheeks October 29, 2020
Get the Apologymug. Bre accused ol Arty of sleepin around. Now she's on her knees giving him the longest southern apology of her life.
by ArtoriusReptarthe13th April 27, 2022
Get the southern apologymug.