Chocolate Jesus

A formed chocolate bar in the shape of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ

I gave that self rightious preachy fat bitch a chocolate Jesus for Christmas. She loved it and then ate Christ's head.

by [e-mail] December 24, 2004

Jesus Christ

An exclamation gemerally used to express anguish or dismay.

Jim: Some mo fo just keyed your ride dude !
Bob: JESUS CHRIST ! !

or

In poker your straight loses to a full house and you exclaim JESUS CHRIST ! !

by MDog221 July 15, 2006

pulled a jesus

Surprising someone because they thought you were dead, or, more commonly, being gone for a long time and suddenly show up unannounced.

Guy 1: "Hey, you're back!"
Guy 2: "Yeah, I pulled a Jesus."

by Wartooth June 24, 2008

Jesus portal

Smoking weed mixed with DMT out of a bong.

Smoke this Jesus Portal to take a trip to a different dimension

by Midpaqqqqq May 31, 2020

Lying for Jesus

See also: Conservapedia

Lying is a sin, but Lying for Jesus is good, because it brings poor, hellbound souls to him. Godspeed!

by R0-84N November 12, 2018

Cabbage jesus

A overweight cunt who is full of life and loves to joke around with anyone. He loves to make friends and will even share his lunch with you. He will go out of his way for anyone!

Bro 1: did u just see that guy? he just gave the homeless family 100 dollars!
Bro 2: yeah! he always does that his name is cabbage jesus..
Bro 1: what a mad cunt we should meet him sometime..

Bro 2: hell yeah!

by Cabbage jesus May 12, 2019

Jesus Ortiz

A very charming yet serious fellow, has a few laughs now and then, has a very big appetite could swallow a whole town if it was possible yet very gentle wouldn't kill a fly. if this type of guy is not talking then there is a slight hum coming from him that sounds like Mexican or metal music. Anybody can get along with this person of they know how to take jokes and have a huge appetite.

Billy: look at that guy he is mostly serious among everyone except his gf now look at him laugh.

John: that must be a jesus ortiz!

by senora pansona November 8, 2011