couch guru

A couch guru is an individual who lives on your couch and provides nuggets of wisdom, advice, and the dankest weed hook-ups. The couch guru sustains themselves by consuming Mountain Dew, Doritos and porn. Example: the guy on the couch from Half Baked.

My couch guru hooked me up with a new water bong and advised me on how to fix my relationship with my father.

by Colberttoldmeto August 23, 2016

Couch Fucker

A European or other nationality male that dates an American Female, since the word Amerykanka in many languages also means couch, like an American woman, a couch, just fuck n sits there!

Guy - Dude, what are you doing with that Amerikanka?

Dude - Dude! She's my girlfriend, she's hot! I love her!
Guy -

Dude - What?!
Guy -

Dude - ?WHAT!
Guy - Couch Fucker, we are ashamed of you
Dude - Aw, Dude
Guy - Dude yourself, and you can't sit on my couch, you have to sit on the floor from now on

by Comrade Plasternasty July 6, 2012

Couch-cutter

A person who suffers from paranoid delusions and hallucinations, who coincidentally cuts holes in furniture because they believe there are people hiding or living inside.

Be careful letting him stay overnight by himself...Poor fella'. He's a couch-cutter.

by ZelaromoraleZ July 14, 2020

cough couch

when you are asked if your going somewhere

“are you going to the store?”
“cough couch yes/cough couch no”

by poopei October 6, 2020

Turkish Couch Bath

The act of getting so drunk that you pass out on a piece of furniture, typically a couch, fully clothed. The “actor” proceeds to blow chunks, traditionally a noodle based meal, on to the furniture and his person. Two or more participating males remove clothing and vigorously wipe down the actor and furniture piece removing said chunks with sponges or clothes, thus completing the “Turkish Couch Bath”.

n. Subsequent cleaning of the furniture by minor children is also referred to as a “Turkish Play date”

C-bone: “TJ got so ripped last night he ended up puking up Mac salad all over the couch and himself. Damien and I had to give him an old fashion Turkish Couch Bath.”

by Big Ticket76 November 26, 2021

Couch

A place where your dad loses his spare change and wallet sometimes if your lucky.

Bob: Hey Kelly I need some money can you make a distraction while I go check inside the couch?
Kelly: Ok.
Bob: Oh cool dads wallet is here were gonna buy so many diabetes.

by supboi200 June 26, 2018

Couch

To provide professional coaching services.

I'm going to couch tsm.

by Nfjfjd February 8, 2022