Douche Canoe (noun): A self-absorbed,
obnoxious individual who drifts through life on a raft of
arrogance, bad takes, and an utter lack of self-awareness. Often mistaken for a human, but upon closer inspection, closely resembles a sentient, poorly groomed toe with an attitude problem because he likely sat on a pinecone.
Example: Kyle, the human embodiment of a stubbed toe, leaned back in his chair, manspreading like he was claiming land, and loudly explaining why everyone else was
wrong about literally everything. Between flexing his "
elite genetics" (despite looking like a swollen big toe) and hitting on
anything that moved, he remained blissfully unaware that the entire room was desperately hoping for a strong gust of wind to carry his douche canoe far, far away.