closet pirate Share definition Flag a bro who plays your video games, eats your leftovers and lives in your coat closet under the stairs... for FREE! yo...eat the rest of that pasta before the Closet Pirate wakes up. closet pirate by skyskier December 20, 2008 0 0 Get merch Get the closet pirate mug. Buy Now — $32.95 See more merch