Givaned
Describes the on set of a peculiar temporary human condition. Symptoms include a severe tightening of the pockets and shortening of the arms. At the same time the body's metabolism slows to a virtual stop, like slow motion. The condition is triggered by a negative financial situation. For example: An unfortunate person(s) might mention a potential monetary loss to the individual. This brings on a panic which manifests itself initially as a cold sweat and trembling hands before the major symptoms appear . After the situation has passed the individual will feel great relief at not having incurred a loss whilst at the same time feeling a huge sense of guilt. The individual will then seek out many views looking for an explanation for their weird behaviour. The individual will then often spend a disproportionate amount of energy to justify their actions. The condition is not known to be transferable from one human to another however it is thought to be an inherited characteristic from parents. Scientists have identified the ‘tight bastard’ gene as the DNA culprit. It is impossible to identify a person with this condition under normal daily circumstances however some clues are thought to include slow reaction times, over thinking situations, virginity, large appetite, shyness etc
I was asked out on a date by a guy, we went for a meal which was nice. At the end of the meal the waiter asked if there was anything more we required. As we were full the boy just asked for the bill. When the bill arrived the boy nearly froze, started to sweat & tremble then physically changed shape. This lasted a few minutes, I was so embarrassed as the waiter looked at me in disbelief. At this point I paid myself. Immediately the boy recovered. I had been “Givaned”. I will not see him again, tight bastard.
Givaned by Gwen Scouse September 21, 2018
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