Awkward Tortoise 

A two-person awkward turtle.

Based off of the hilarious biology video of tortoises engaging in... mature behavior and grunting while an excited guy with an accent watches.

Friend: Awkward turtle!!
*does awkward turtle*
You: Awkward tortoise!!!!!!!!
*does awkward turtle on top of friend's awkward turtle, moving up and down and grunting*

Awkward Tortoise by jumpin4jesus February 15, 2009

Rigamortis Tortoise 

A Rigamortis Tortoise is a vile and disgusting creature. Often cold and calloused, Rigamortis Tortoise can disgust even the most hardcore of people. Rigamortis Tortoise often has an undeserved sense of entitlement caused by birth.

We caught Rigamortis Tortoise walking out of the morgue with a bottle of astroglide and a pink dildo. That disgusting vermin.

Rigamortis Tortoise by Jachoff Witme May 27, 2010

freeze the tortoise 

To stop a conversation, because a) someone has said something incredibly awkward and/or disturbing or b) the conversation is inevitably leading that way.

When Mikey told me to "guard my carnal treasure" it really froze the tortoise.

freeze the tortoise by The Bard of Anon May 18, 2005

Clit-Tortise 

Where a womans clitoris was bitten by a snapping turtle

Hey Chad, did you hear that Brittney got a Clit-Tortise

Clit-Tortise by Searchin4Sus January 24, 2020

Tortoise Kisses

When two guys really love and respect each other, they might show it by lightly touching the tips of their penises together in a display of trust, friendship and understanding.

Bill and Jeff are in the back giving each other tortoise kisses. They're really good friends.

Tortoise Kisses by TortoiseKisses January 21, 2011

Ford Tortoise 

Slang for FORD TAURUS.

When my stupid ex-wife divorced me, I was sable to trade up from our old Ford Tortoise station wagon to a brand new Ford Rustang GT!

Ford Tortoise by Car-roll Shelby July 22, 2006

The Tortoise 

When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did

Hey dude... After I left with that chick last night.. I was totally the Tortoise.. I got there before the hair !

The Tortoise by John Detlor March 20, 2009