Joao 

joao may usually have hissy fits about practically nothing, bad at managing his own health and is secretly fruity. yet he still finds a way to be a nice friend.

girl 1: why are you crying?
girl 2: joao broke up with me because i said shield hero was mid
girl 1: again?

Joao by THE SUSSY BAKA June 25, 2022

Joao 

Joao is a person with the biggest dick ever. He will make go to the moon more than one time during sex. He is open minded to every kind of kink. Usually it’s a guy into role play and fucking fruit while smoking weed.

Person: I’m looking for a Joao tonight, cause I want good sex.
Or

Person1: I like to fuck fruit
Person2: U are a Joao

Joao by Liunure June 27, 2022

Joao 

Is he real ?

Person 1: This is Joao, he is my boyfriend
Person 2: Is he real ?

Joao by Queenacp August 5, 2022

João 

A man whose penis is uncomonly large. In a way that it goes from Braga to Algarve and then it turns to china.

Often mistaken by: madeireiro profissional, mentiroso do caralho, skydiver profissional, mentiroso, mentiroso, barreteiro, mentiroso do caralho, mete petas.

Me: Look at that man, he has a huge penis!!
Friend: he must be João! of course he is a João!

Me: Look João is skydiving!
Friend: It won't be that exiting...
Me: why?
Friend: Because he is João and he will use his gigantic dick not to fall
Me: AWESOMEEEE!!!!

João by polish the right turd December 12, 2015

João 

A pint of beer, cider or other alcoholic beverages in reference to João Pinto, the Portuguese footballer.

Fancy going to the pub for a joão?

João by thirtysecondhero December 12, 2010

João 

John can mean many things ...
João means cool
João means god
João means you are the greatest in the whole world
João means smart
João can mean everything good that exists on Earth

Woah your hair its very João

Wow you had a SS+++++ on the teste?!?! You are so João!!

You are a João in this game!! No one can beat you!

There is only one João!!! Dont listen the other religions because they are wrong!

João by JoãoXPTOCuriousCleverEnglish January 18, 2021

João 

litteraly the best brazillian wonder kid on earth like he’s even the best wonder kid ever he plays for watford like best watford player ever gonna get em promoted n shit and a joao is like what u call someone that’s cool.

although when you call someone a joao it can be referred to being called a nonce ngl

example 1 for normal: hey look that guy has a big shlong it must be João

Example 2 for nonce: Hey g, look over there it’s a joao tappin a 15 year old

João by JoãoPedro10 April 3, 2021