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Definitions by tiredofswearingtodays

heavens heaven on me

Said sarcastically when everything is going wrong at once, like life is piling it on and acting like it’s a “blessing.”
Or make it a bit sharper:
When you’re beyond pissed and everything keeps getting worse, so you mock the situation like “yeah, this must be heaven.”
“Missed the bus, phone died, and it’s 40 degrees outside… yeah, heavens heaven on me.”

swear to my days

A dramatic, semi-ironic oath meaning “I swear this is true on my entire lived experience,” often used when someone wants extra credibility but knows they’re being a little theatrical about it. Stronger than “I swear to God,” softer than selling your soul. Common in arguments, storytelling, or moments when disbelief is imminent.

Carries a vibe of I have suffered, I have witnessed, and I’m not lying.

Often delivered with intensity, eye contact, or a pause for empha
Swear to my days, that Wi-Fi was working five minutes ago.”

“Swear to my days I did not touch your food.”

“Bro, swear to my days this code compiled yesterday.”