3 definition by ragedookie

Top Definition
The terrible result of an experiment involving the cross breeding of a buttmonkey and a corporate monkey. Often spreads deadly diseases in the form of corporate jargon, smoke blowing, and complex acronyms.
Take your profit growth and shove it up your ass you corporate ass monkey.
by Ragedookie September 21, 2005

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A two bit loser who refuses to get a job and would rather live off state subsidies and other handouts.

Also, an internal refernce used by AOL employees when referring to the AOL program.
That bitch drawing off welfare is nothing but a Half Assed Monkey.

Dammit I installed the Half Assed Monkey and it fucked up my computer!
by ragedookie September 24, 2005

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A condition resulting from prolonged exposure to a call center environment. Frequently within a call center, the only resolution to a person's problem is reached when the consultant (future patient) inserts his or her own thumb or other finger up into their buttox. Although the "thumb up the buttox" procedure works in the short term to satisfy customer needs, it has been discovered to have a very negative long term effect over time due to the sheer frequency of required insertions (50+ times per day, 5 days per week, 52 weeks per year). Over time the colon becomes so irritated that it becomes inverted. At this point the lowly call center employee may lose his/her job due to an inability to satisfy customer needs (and take the routine shaft or management dick up the ass(see: Joe Howe))The person may also be unemployable from this point forward as their call center career is effectively over.

The primary symptom of Inverted Colon is a bowlegged walk, one that frequently resembles the "corncob up the ass" or "freshly given the shaft" condition.

Although your first inclination is to laugh, do not for a moment think that this condition is a laughing mater. Inverted Colon is very serious. It causes severe mental anguish including a massive inferiority complex, inability to poop for days or weeks at a time causing occasional explosions of impacted fecal matter, uncontrollable flatulence, extreme sexual anxiety and complete loss of sexual appetite and inability to achieve orgasm (especially for homosexual males), and eventually death. Currently, there is no cure for Inverted Colon.
My friend John works for AOL. The only way he can solve anyone's issue is by sticking his thumb up his own buttox. I fear that in time his colon will become inverted. Poor John is going to die one day, and it'll be all AOLs fault.

My ex-Boss Joe's colon became inverted due to the number of management cocks that have been shoved up his ass over time.

The AOL site manager Nancy has an inverted colon by repeated thumb up the buttox as wel as management powered strap-ons being inserted into her rectum.
by ragedookie May 04, 2006

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