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Definitions by mr Cunninglinguist

two slices of fuck all 

1. a sarcastic reply to someone who is not satisfied with what they have or
2. a claim to have eaten less than someone else
3. a moan that there was no food ready to eat at home
man 1 'I've only got one slice of bread here mate'
man 2 'you'll get two slices of fuck all in a minute mate if you don't stop moaning'

man 3 'I only had a pot noodle for my dinner'
man 4 'so what, I've had two slices of fuck all for mine'

man 5 'what did you get for your dinner when you got home mate?'
man 6 'same as usual, two slices of fuck all'

COTMANHAY MONEY 

shoplifting, named after a small town in Derbyshire England famed for its population of thieves, tramps, drug addicts and 'chavs'
man 1 'where did you get the cash to buy all those cans of lager?'
man 2 'no body was watching so I used Cotmanhay Money in the beer-off '

ENAMEL BANGER

a huge turd, so long it touches the toilet bowl before being 'crimped off' by the ass muscles- also known as a 'crowd pleaser' , a yam, U571 or a Trent Otter
I did a massive shit last night, a real Enamel Banger