jwgrooves's definitions

gastrognome

A connoisseur of fine food and wine, who is small and ugly.

Michael Winner.

Michael Winner: Waiter! This steak is diabolical. It is clearly medium rare when I specified medium! The pasta course was unimaginative and barely tepid, and as for the soup, it was redolent of a Montmartre fille du joie's vaginal secretions after a hard night's work.

Waiter: What do you expect in a Travelodge? Bloody gastrognome. *spits on desert*

by jwgrooves March 20, 2011

Obsessive Computing Disorder

Psychological / neurological condition.

The inability to pass a single moment without interacting with a computer screen of some sort.

The inability to pause and relax and actually think about nothing, without feeling the overwhelming need to fill your consciousness with the inane drivel that your extended circle of "friends" post on their social media.

The inability to interact with real people in a social situation without fucking tweeting that you're doing so and instagramming a photo of it onto fucking pinterest.

Work was utterly hectic so I took five minutes away from the desk to do a crap, but I have Obsessive Computing Disorder so before I knew it I was getting my phone out for a quick game of turds with friends

by jwgrooves October 24, 2013

utopiary

The bliss of a well-kept lady-garden.

She's so neat and tidy, so serene; this utopiary is the ideal of a perfect pudenda. I want to live here forever.

by jwgrooves July 9, 2010

dicknob

Someone who is so annoying that to call them only one penis-based-insult just isn't enough.

A compound insult that should be reserved for truly special individuals.

A bit like twatcunt.

Peter: I say! That man's pissing in our front garden.

Susan: What a dicknob! Fetch the musket.

by jwgrooves October 11, 2010