The practise, usually employed by sexually insecure males around men they suspect may be homosexual, of firmly establishing their heterosexuality even before it was called into question.
Dale: Nice hat, John.
John: Yeah, thanks, my wife bought it for me. She's a girl. With
tits and everything. Mmmm,
tits.
Dale: No need for the preemptive gay strike, dude. You're so not my type.
John: Hmph.
Buy a
preemptive gay strike
mug!
A state of the art, compact, portable electronic device with an LCD display, capable of carrying out complex mathematical calculations.
A calculator.
What's the area of a circle with a 5cm radius? Dammit, why didn't I upload the pi-calculator app to my ipod 5 GTi?
Don't worry, we can check the answer on my Pi-Pod.
*blows dust off calculator*
When using predictive text to write an SMS, sometimes an unexpected word of similar / humorous meaning may pop up.
Pint / shot / riot
Kiss / lips
Shag / rich
Sips / piss
Cock / anal
Dual / fuck
Oh no! I meant to send my boyfriend a text saying I wanted to suck his cock tonight.
Don't worry, it's just a textonym. Besides, I heard he's into that sort of thing.
When you go for a poo but forget to take your phone with you. Devoid of the stimuli of checking emails and social media you're obliged to spend a few minutes on analogue pursuits, such as thinking, meditating, singing, or perhaps reading a book or newspaper.
I'd already started to let one out when I realised my phone was on my desk, so I had to do an analogue poo. But that's ok, I came up with a great plan for the next book I'm never going to write.
