jwgrooves's definitions

analogue poo

When you go for a poo but forget to take your phone with you. Devoid of the stimuli of checking emails and social media you're obliged to spend a few minutes on analogue pursuits, such as thinking, meditating, singing, or perhaps reading a book or newspaper.

I'd already started to let one out when I realised my phone was on my desk, so I had to do an analogue poo. But that's ok, I came up with a great plan for the next book I'm never going to write.

by jwgrooves June 13, 2017

Pi-Pod

A state of the art, compact, portable electronic device with an LCD display, capable of carrying out complex mathematical calculations.

A calculator.

What's the area of a circle with a 5cm radius? Dammit, why didn't I upload the pi-calculator app to my ipod 5 GTi?

Don't worry, we can check the answer on my Pi-Pod.

*blows dust off calculator*

by jwgrooves January 4, 2012

gastrognome

A connoisseur of fine food and wine, who is small and ugly.

Michael Winner.

Michael Winner: Waiter! This steak is diabolical. It is clearly medium rare when I specified medium! The pasta course was unimaginative and barely tepid, and as for the soup, it was redolent of a Montmartre fille du joie's vaginal secretions after a hard night's work.

Waiter: What do you expect in a Travelodge? Bloody gastrognome. *spits on desert*

by jwgrooves March 20, 2011

textonym

When using predictive text to write an SMS, sometimes an unexpected word of similar / humorous meaning may pop up.

Pint / shot / riot

Kiss / lips

Shag / rich

Sips / piss

Cock / anal

Dual / fuck

Oh no! I meant to send my boyfriend a text saying I wanted to suck his cock tonight.

Don't worry, it's just a textonym. Besides, I heard he's into that sort of thing.

by jwgrooves June 29, 2011