carl j. maltese's definitions

Creationism

Creationism explained:
God + Adam + Eve -times- Cane -minus- Abel + Seth -divided by- Lilith -times- Eve's sister-in-law -divided by- dinosaurs -times- 42 -times- E=mc2 -divided by- Infinity + H2O -times- Monosodiumglutinate -minus- The Monolith + hot air + the sound of a honking horn + The Secret Ingredient -minus- your opposable thumb = ALL THAT IS AND EVER SHALL BE! AMEN!

I hope that clears things up for you.

According to the Religious Right, "evolution" was just Darwin trying to explain his wife to his friends and the idea caught on! "Creationism" is, of course, the ONE TRUE and ONLY explanation for human existance. Anybody who says otherwise should have their opposable thumbs chopped off!

by Carl J. Maltese October 17, 2007

dictionary

>...:"What do you think you are looking at right now! What are you, some kind of smart-ass? Now log-off, get back to work and quit fooling around!!":...<

"In one of Mr. Webster's early editions of his dictionary, he defined "freedom" as: '...deviation from the norm!'"

by Carl J. Maltese April 30, 2007

commercial comfort

Ancient CB* term from the late 1970's meaning "prostitute in area." Experienced prostitutes would travel three-or-four to a car equiped with a CB radio and/or police scanner and cruise truck stops at night. During the height of the CB craze in America, some truckers would stay-up all night on their CB's talking and jabbering in their strange CB codes. The prostitutes would cut-in on the conversations announcing "commercial comfort" had arrived. This would then be followed by hand signals or flashed headlights indicating who their next "customer" was.

The term "commercial comfort" was last heard on the dying CB airwaves as late as 1998, just prior to affordable cell' 'phone plans and the Internet took over.

(*Citizens Band radio)

"Breaker-breaker, this here is Cinderella offering commercial comfort back by the gas trucks. Come back on that?"

by Carl J. Maltese April 20, 2007

bloodskank

Any sleazey looking, and knowingly disease infected girl/guy whoring themself on the streets.
Whoring on the streets usually limits access to soap and toothpaste.
"blood:" syn. w/ blood born diseases.
"skank:" syn. w/ dirty, unwashed, & skin conditions.

"I made the mistake of picking-up a sleazy bloodskank whoring herself for crack money. Now, all the soap and toothpaste in creation won't clean my disease infected crotch!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 28, 2007

USSA

United Secure States of America (From a sci-fi paperback series of the same name, C.1987-1989)

"Ever since The Generals and Evangelists took over, life has been so much easier here in the USSA!"

by Carl J. Maltese March 31, 2007