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carl j. maltese's definitions

howard stern

The greatest DJ who ever lived. Period.
The only man with any guts to stand-up to the Powers-That-Be and tell the uncensored truth!
The first truly alternative morning radio show worth listening to, as compared to the "Morning Zoo Crews."
The only one worth listening to.
The ONE!
"Howard Stern has the distinct honor of having a public rest-room named after him on the Jersey Turnpike!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 31, 2007
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Betz

"I dare to shout 'Betz!' the spoken name of the Ultimate Evil! I dare not ever utter It's Unspeakable Name, It's Unspoken Name, It's True Name!!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007
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lawn darts

An out-doors game that incorporates the skill of horse-shoes with the thrill of terminal head injury.
"I was about to learn that you should never be on the receiving end in a game of 'catch the lawn darts'...."
by Carl J. Maltese November 1, 2007
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jerry falwell

See Also: The Good Year Blimp with a southern accent; Vague on eight of the Ten Commandments; Oliver North's bend-over buddy; Proud owner of several Swiss bank accounts; Jerry the Blob; Xenophobe; Persecutor; Book burning money worshiper; First against the wall when the revolution comes.
"It's time for the Old Time Persecution Hour with Jerry Falwell!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007
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SCCC

Suffolk County Community College (aka "The Ship of Fools").

Two campuses located in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. One in Seldon and the other in Brentwood.
Six-one-way-half-a-dozen-the-other. Both are colossal wastes of time and money.
Junior college under an assumed name.
High school with ash-trays.
One would be better-off either: A) Trying a little harder to get into a real college, or, B) Finding a well-paying blue collar job!
"I wasted two years in SCCC and all I got to show for it is an unpaid student loan and a case of the clap!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 9, 2007
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commercial comfort

Ancient CB* term from the late 1970's meaning "prostitute in area." Experienced prostitutes would travel three-or-four to a car equiped with a CB radio and/or police scanner and cruise truck stops at night. During the height of the CB craze in America, some truckers would stay-up all night on their CB's talking and jabbering in their strange CB codes. The prostitutes would cut-in on the conversations announcing "commercial comfort" had arrived. This would then be followed by hand signals or flashed headlights indicating who their next "customer" was.

The term "commercial comfort" was last heard on the dying CB airwaves as late as 1998, just prior to affordable cell' 'phone plans and the Internet took over.

(*Citizens Band radio)
"Breaker-breaker, this here is Cinderella offering commercial comfort back by the gas trucks. Come back on that?"
by Carl J. Maltese April 20, 2007
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dictionary

>...:"What do you think you are looking at right now! What are you, some kind of smart-ass? Now log-off, get back to work and quit fooling around!!":...<
"In one of Mr. Webster's early editions of his dictionary, he defined "freedom" as: '...deviation from the norm!'"
by Carl J. Maltese April 30, 2007
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