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carl j. maltese's definitions

United Provinces of America

From the movie "Deathrace: 2000"
Comprising all of North America and several overseas possesions and ruled by a 'Big Brother' type leader known as 'Mr. President.' The only political party in the UPA is known as the 'Bipartisan Party,' and order is maintained by a purple tuxedoed Secret Police.
The flag of the UPA consists of 13 gold and red stripes and small field of white in the upper left hand corner sporting a large gold open hand, as if ordering "halt!" surrounded by two gold lightening bolts.
The dulled and jaded popullace of the UPA gets it's only enjoyment from the annual Cross Country Road Race, aka The Deathrace, in which the various racers score points by running down pedestrians.
"I, your beloved Mr. President, have made the United Provinces of America the greates power on earth!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 18, 2007
mugGet the United Provinces of Americamug.

hilary duff

Just another damn clone produced by Bell Labs under contract to Disney.
When she is all-used-up, Disney will just order some new ones to unleash on the public.
Hilary Duff: living proof that you can be beautiful, untalented and stupid.... AND still be rich.
by Carl J. Maltese May 29, 2007
mugGet the hilary duffmug.

Eurasia

One of the three world superstates as described in George Orwell's "1984." Eurasia consists of all of continental Europe, all of the Russias, North Africa, and some parts of the middle-east. Eurasia's flag is a green banner featuring a black coloured clenched fist and the word "Eurasia" spelled-out in english across the top.
The three superstates all have the exact same styles of government, with their populations kept in a state of controled ignorance. Also, all three superstates are continuousley at war with each other, alliances changing on a monthly basis, with two superstates ganging-up a third.

See also: Oceania, Eastasia, 1984, and George Orwell.
"We are at war with Eurasia. We've always been at war with Eurasia."
by Carl J. Maltese April 24, 2007
mugGet the Eurasiamug.

blow job

"I could really go for a blow job right about now."
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
mugGet the blow jobmug.

barbizombie

1) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but in reality they are not. Usually they are just full-of-themselves, among other things!

2) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but really couldn't and shouldn't! They should take that money they were saving for Barbizon and go buy a mirror!

3) Any girl (or guy) who isn't pretty...they just look that way!!
"There was always that one girl we knew back in high school. The spoiled only-child type who practically smothered herself in makeup and nail polish and was too busy to so much as give you the time of day. She thought she was going to be a model, but in reality she was just another barbizombie, trapped in the endless night-of-the-living-depressed."
by Carl J. Maltese May 5, 2007
mugGet the barbizombiemug.

Stand-up philosopher

A Bullshit Artist!!

(From the Mel Brooks movie "History of the World, part one.")
Unemployment Office Person: "Name and occupation?"

Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."

Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"

Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."

Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"

Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."

Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007
mugGet the Stand-up philosophermug.

Him

Suposed homosexual porn movie about the life of Jesus Christ compared with a nameless contemporary man and their shared sexual tastes. Hotly sought-out and marked for destruction by the Religious Right, in reality there is NO SUCH MOVIE!!!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Bill: "Hey, man. You here about that gay-porn movie called "Him?" Some pretty freaky sheet happens in it!"

Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."

Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"

Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
by Carl J. Maltese May 12, 2007
mugGet the Himmug.

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