carl j. maltese's definitions
See Also: The Good Year Blimp with a southern accent; Vague on eight of the Ten Commandments; Oliver North's bend-over buddy; Proud owner of several Swiss bank accounts; Jerry the Blob; Xenophobe; Persecutor; Book burning money worshiper; First against the wall when the revolution comes.
by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007
Get the jerry falwell mug.Suffolk County Community College (aka "The Ship of Fools").
Two campuses located in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. One in Seldon and the other in Brentwood.
Six-one-way-half-a-dozen-the-other. Both are colossal wastes of time and money.
Junior college under an assumed name.
High school with ash-trays.
One would be better-off either: A) Trying a little harder to get into a real college, or, B) Finding a well-paying blue collar job!
Two campuses located in Suffolk County, Long Island, New York. One in Seldon and the other in Brentwood.
Six-one-way-half-a-dozen-the-other. Both are colossal wastes of time and money.
Junior college under an assumed name.
High school with ash-trays.
One would be better-off either: A) Trying a little harder to get into a real college, or, B) Finding a well-paying blue collar job!
"I wasted two years in SCCC and all I got to show for it is an unpaid student loan and a case of the clap!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 9, 2007
Get the SCCC mug.Unemployment Office Person: "Name and occupation?"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
Comicus: "Comicus, Stand-up Philosopher."
Unemployment Office Person: "A what?"
Comicus: "A Stand-up Philosopher. I take the collasence of daily life and produce anectdotes that have synonymous meaning with various people."
Unemployment Office Person: "Oh. A bullshit artist!"
Comicus: "Uh...Yeah."
Unemployment Office Person: "Well, did you bullshit today? Did you try to bullshit today? Try harder or we'll have to cut-off you payments. Next please!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007
Get the Stand-up philosopher mug.1) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but in reality they are not. Usually they are just full-of-themselves, among other things!
2) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but really couldn't and shouldn't! They should take that money they were saving for Barbizon and go buy a mirror!
3) Any girl (or guy) who isn't pretty...they just look that way!!
2) A girl (or guy) who thinks they are a model, but really couldn't and shouldn't! They should take that money they were saving for Barbizon and go buy a mirror!
3) Any girl (or guy) who isn't pretty...they just look that way!!
"There was always that one girl we knew back in high school. The spoiled only-child type who practically smothered herself in makeup and nail polish and was too busy to so much as give you the time of day. She thought she was going to be a model, but in reality she was just another barbizombie, trapped in the endless night-of-the-living-depressed."
by Carl J. Maltese May 5, 2007
Get the barbizombie mug.Suposed homosexual porn movie about the life of Jesus Christ compared with a nameless contemporary man and their shared sexual tastes. Hotly sought-out and marked for destruction by the Religious Right, in reality there is NO SUCH MOVIE!!!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Rumours of such a movie have been circulating since the early 1970's. Said rumours were probably started amongst the Gay community for sole purpose of annoying the Moraly Indignant, and there was even a false review of it in a book about the "golden turkeys," aka the worst movies ever made. This, of course, only served to strengthing the Religious Right's resolve to find-and-burn!! It's review in said book of "golden turkeys" was actually part of a reader contest to find the one fake movie amongst the real "stinkers."
Despite endless (and fruitless) searches --and the truth being held in their collective faces-- certain members of the Religious Right still continue their sacred mission to find-and-destroy this non-existant movie!
Bill: "Hey, man. You here about that gay-porn movie called "Him?" Some pretty freaky sheet happens in it!"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
Tom: "Calm yourself down before you ruin your shorts. There is no such movie. It's all just a rumour going 'round."
Bill: "Really? Then what the hell was that video I was watching last night!?"
Tom: "You STILL have home video of my 16th birthday party!?"
by Carl J. Maltese May 12, 2007
Get the Him mug.A nice job, if you can get it.
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
Get the blow job mug.Just another damned clone produced by Bell Labs under contract to Disney. When she is all-used-up, they'll produce more to unleash on the public.
"Hannah Montana. Proof you can come from nowhere and bring it with you. Also, few adults know or even care that her last name is spelled with only two "n's", not three."
by Carl J. Maltese February 16, 2008
Get the Hannah Montana mug.