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carl j. maltese's definitions

chrome covered cuntmobile

1) Any chromed, flashy, tricked-out, or pretentious looking car designed soley for attracting shallow minded women.

2) Any chromed, flashy, tricked-out, or pretentious looking car driven by a pimp.
Tim: "Check-out Danny In is chrome covered cuntmobile!"

John: "Think He'll pick-up chicks in that thing?"

Tim: "Hell! You already know he's a pimp with ten years experience!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 17, 2007
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Eastasia

One of the three world superstates as described in George Orwell's "1984." Eastasia consists of China, Mongolia, India, parts of the middle-east not occupied by Eurasia, Indochina, Malaysia, New Guinea, Korea, all the Japanese islands, and all the remaining pacific islands not occupied by Oceania. A description of their flag is unknown.
All three superstates have the exact same styles of government, with the same ideologies, but with different names. Oceania calls it "Ingsoc" (English Socialism in newspeak), Eurasia calls it "Neo-Bolshevism," and the Eastasian term translates as "death-of-the-self."
Ostensibly, the three superstates are waging continuous war for the contol of Central Africa, Madagasgar, the middle-east, Indochina, and the north and south polar ice caps.

See also: Oceania, Eurasia, 1984, and George Orwell.
"We are at war with Eastasia. We've always been at war with Eastasia."
by Carl J. Maltese April 24, 2007
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toasterphobia

Toasterphobia is the dreaded fear of sticking a fork into a toaster even after it's been unplugged....because sometimes the toaster remembers!
Mike: "Because of my severe toasterphobia, I have continuous nightmares about being chased by a giant toaster and a giant fork wearing running shoes!"

Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"
by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007
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Hannah Montana

Just another damned clone produced by Bell Labs under contract to Disney. When she is all-used-up, they'll produce more to unleash on the public.
"Hannah Montana. Proof you can come from nowhere and bring it with you. Also, few adults know or even care that her last name is spelled with only two "n's", not three."
by Carl J. Maltese February 16, 2008
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lawn darts

An out-doors game that incorporates the skill of horse-shoes with the thrill of terminal head injury.
"I was about to learn that you should never be on the receiving end in a game of 'catch the lawn darts'...."
by Carl J. Maltese November 1, 2007
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jerry falwell

See Also: The Good Year Blimp with a southern accent; Vague on eight of the Ten Commandments; Oliver North's bend-over buddy; Proud owner of several Swiss bank accounts; Jerry the Blob; Xenophobe; Persecutor; Book burning money worshiper; First against the wall when the revolution comes.
"It's time for the Old Time Persecution Hour with Jerry Falwell!"
by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007
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SHIELD

Supreme Headquarters International Espionage Law-enforcement Division.
In my previous entry I had forgotten to include the word "Espionage." But, as any devout reader of Marvel Comics can tell you, both definitions are correct as Marvel briefly dropped "Espionage" from SHIELD in the late 1970's. They eventually restored it.
by Carl J. Maltese May 21, 2007
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