carl j. maltese's definitions

SHIELD

Supreme Headquarters International Law-enforcement Division.

Fictional super-spy organization from Marvel Comics' "Nick Fury, Agent of SHIELD"

This "organization" also provided a thread of continuity within nearly all of Marvel Comics' titles from the mid-1960's until the early 1990's.

"Just as it looked like the end for Captain America, a helicopter full of SHIELD agents showed up in the nick of time!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 12, 2007

toasterphobia

Toasterphobia is the dreaded fear of sticking a fork into a toaster even after it's been unplugged....because sometimes the toaster remembers!

Mike: "Because of my severe toasterphobia, I have continuous nightmares about being chased by a giant toaster and a giant fork wearing running shoes!"

Art: "Dude, you're f**king wacked!!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 21, 2007

Scurv

1970's term for who are now referred to as burnouts and dirtbags.

"You know that new kid around the corner? The one with the hippie parents? He's a real cigarette smoking Scurv!"

by Carl J. Maltese April 15, 2007

tea dumping psychos

One of the many colourful slang terms that the British have for Americans.

"The damn tea dumping psychos! Five-thousand-pounds worth of tea thrown right off the bloody ships! The bloody crates are all completley soaked through, making the tea totally unfit for drinking. Even for Americans."

by Carl J. Maltese April 1, 2007

lawn darts

An out-doors game that incorporates the skill of horse-shoes with the thrill of terminal head injury.

"I was about to learn that you should never be on the receiving end in a game of 'catch the lawn darts'...."

by Carl J. Maltese November 1, 2007

Creationism

Creationism explained:
God + Adam + Eve -times- Cane -minus- Abel + Seth -divided by- Lilith -times- Eve's sister-in-law -divided by- dinosaurs -times- 42 -times- E=mc2 -divided by- Infinity + H2O -times- Monosodiumglutinate -minus- The Monolith + hot air + the sound of a honking horn + The Secret Ingredient -minus- your opposable thumb = ALL THAT IS AND EVER SHALL BE! AMEN!

I hope that clears things up for you.

According to the Religious Right, "evolution" was just Darwin trying to explain his wife to his friends and the idea caught on! "Creationism" is, of course, the ONE TRUE and ONLY explanation for human existance. Anybody who says otherwise should have their opposable thumbs chopped off!

by Carl J. Maltese October 17, 2007

dictionary

>...:"What do you think you are looking at right now! What are you, some kind of smart-ass? Now log-off, get back to work and quit fooling around!!":...<

"In one of Mr. Webster's early editions of his dictionary, he defined "freedom" as: '...deviation from the norm!'"

by Carl J. Maltese April 30, 2007