assmurderer's definitions

Baby Birds

A sexual game in which one partner vomits into the mouth of the other. Oftentimes, they will snowball the material back and fourth, alternating between the role of "baby bird" and "mother bird." The game is named for the way baby birds are fed by their mother in nature.

My teeth are messed up because I played Baby Birds with my girlfriend one too many times.

by assmurderer June 19, 2013

Laffensadden

A German term roughly meaning "funny and sad at the same time."

It was laffensadden when I found out the times square elmo was just a racist homeless man in a costume.

by assmurderer August 21, 2013

Mate Guard

An insecure person characterized by his or her tendency to prevent their sexual parter from participating in sex acts with others.

Tom: Hey Bob, your girlfriend was a great fuck last night.
Bob: I'll kill you!
Tom: Don't be such a mate guard.

by assmurderer June 23, 2011

hopscotch

A mixture of beer and scotch.

Never drink hopscotch.

by assmurderer September 3, 2011

playing center field

the romantic and sexual pursuit of middle aged women.

Girls my own age have always been intimidated by me, but I've had much more success after I started playing center field.

by assmurderer September 13, 2011