Pennsylvania

A contradictory, unusual, and perverse state in the Northeast characterized by the following:

1. Three parts: Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, and the conservative oasis
2. Wannabe "metropolitan areas": the Lehigh Valley, Harrisburg, and Scranton-Wilkes Barre
3. Horrible roads that are not only riddled with potholes, but also have the lowest speed limits known to mankind. The horrible drivers make it a packaged deal.
4. Old people. Lots of them. Largest elderly population outside FL and WV
6. Economic disparities. If it weren't for the metro areas outside Pittsburgh and Philly, PA would be at the bottom of the median household income table along with Mississippi and West Virginia.
7. Southern attributes. Pennsylvania is the least Northern state due to the vast amount of conservative, Republican rednecks occupying the greatest majority of land area.
8. Swing state. This is ONLY true because of the Democratic presence outside of Philly and Pittsburgh, that make up the largest percentage of the state's population.
9. Gun-ownership. Nowhere else in the United States will you find more registered NRA members.
13. Economic decay. Many cities in Pennsylvania have lost population and manufacturing bases which attribute to the decline in industrial growth

Overall: Don't live in this state unless your near Philadelphia!

Only Pennsylvania residents refer to their state by its initials.

by aquarius32 January 01, 2010

King of Prussia

The mecca of malls, located in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. "K-O-P", as it is popularly known in the surrounding region, houses the largest collection of retail stores in the United States. It is also home to the only Neiman Marcus store in the Philadelphia metropolitan area. When upscale retailers decide to open a store in the Philadelphia region, King of Prussia is usually the first or second choice. Over the past 50 years, King of Prussia has grown into one of the most prominent edge cities on the East Coast.

Since the town of King of Prussia is virtually indistinguishable from the mall, the people who live there refer to themselves as living in Upper Merion Township to avoid confusion.

by aquarius32 April 13, 2010

Lehigh Valley

The third-largest metropolitan in the state of Pennsylvania, as it is known by non-Lehigh Valley residents. It consists of the cities of Allentown, Bethlehem, and Easton located in Lehigh and Northampton counties. Scrape off the gloss and it is in fact a TIME WARP. It is a place where conservative, WASPY middle-aged residents inhabit as well as younger parents with children go to raise families and clog the roads with their horrendous driving skills. The area has gained attention in recent years, as evidenced by a new casino in Bethlehem and the Promenade Shops at Saucon Valley. Yet in spite of these progressive improvements, people here are stuck in the 1950's and firmly resist change. Perhaps thats due to the fact that there are so many old people as well as gun-loving, pickup-driving hicks who think that the Gap is upscale shopping. The speed limits are set far to low as way of accommodating the slow drivers who can't merge to save their lives. Travel guides and tourism agencies boast its "proximity" to Philadelphia and New York City however there is no meaningful connection to either of those places whatsoever. The Lehigh Valley disguises itself as a peaceful middle ground between the more expensive metropolitan areas found to its south and east, when really it is just like any other decaying, Rust Belt place in Pennsylvania. People who choose to live here think that the "Valley" is the best place on earth. Don't buy into it. Move somewhere else.

Mike: "So where are you from?"
Ted: "The Lehigh Valley"
Mike: "Oh. I live in Bucks County which is ten times better and a hell of a lot closer to Philadelphia".
Ted: "Actually, I love where I live. Being surrounded by white, Republican NRA members is a blast!"

by aquarius32 December 24, 2009