There are 10 things that can cause an ass explosion:
1. Laxatives
2. Food allergies/intolerances
3. Medication side effects
4. Oily/greasy food
5. Eating too much plant fiber
6. Infectious diseases/food poisoning
7. Exposure to certain toxins
8. Chronic gastrointestinal conditions (IBS for example)
9. An imbalance of gut bacteria
10. Over-eating
11. Hormonal fluctuations (females)
Generally, you can tell if an ass explosion is going to happen, symptoms include:
Gas
Gurgling in the lower abdomen
Pressure behind the asshole that feels like something solid is trying to get out
Bloating
Slight abdominal cramping
1. Laxatives
2. Food allergies/intolerances
3. Medication side effects
4. Oily/greasy food
5. Eating too much plant fiber
6. Infectious diseases/food poisoning
7. Exposure to certain toxins
8. Chronic gastrointestinal conditions (IBS for example)
9. An imbalance of gut bacteria
10. Over-eating
11. Hormonal fluctuations (females)
Generally, you can tell if an ass explosion is going to happen, symptoms include:
Gas
Gurgling in the lower abdomen
Pressure behind the asshole that feels like something solid is trying to get out
Bloating
Slight abdominal cramping
by Vampira Andres May 28, 2023
An actress who's a bonafide mean girl, is anti-Semitic, narcissistic, entitled, bitchy, self-righteous, childish, sexist, bratty, and rude. Her lack of talent and terrible personality make period cramps and Mondays look like fun. She really gives Karen vibes.
Rachel Zegler will get offended when you tell her about her flaws because she thinks she's perfect. I, however, when mine are pointed out, will say: Welp, not much I can do about some of them since I'm stuck with some of them for life.
I could make a better Snow White than her.
I could make a better Snow White than her.
by Vampira Andres March 07, 2025
The FUNNIEST rapper to ever exist. He would shoot the shit with you while he smokes a joint and you sip on whatever alcoholic beverage you like if getting high isn't your thing.
If I met Afroman in real life, I'd give him a high five and direct him to the nearest weed dispensery. I don't smoke weed since I've never understood the hype behind drugs, but I'm sure Afroman would appreciate knowing where he can get some weed.
by Vampira Andres June 04, 2025
The shittiest day of the year for me. People say that I'm beautiful all the time but how can I be so beautiful and single at the same time? Do people just say that I'm pretty to make me feel better about myself? I've been single my whole life (elementary school relationships don't count). This is a day where single girls like me feel ugly for not having a boyfriend. It's a day of mourning my loneliness and the death of my cousin. I'm making it my tradition to go up to my room and cry on this day because of how horrible I feel.
Valentine's Day fucking sucks. My cousin died on that day in 2016 and many others in 2018. I'm making it a tradition to cry in my room alone every year that I'm single. Fuck Valentine's Day! Cupid is an inaccurate bastard! Cupid can suck my non-existent dick.
by Vampira Andres February 01, 2019
There are two types of femcels. One is nice, the other is toxic. Here's how to tell the difference:
Nice femcel: Is polite, doesn't get out much, might struggle financially/professionally (living with her parents after her 21st birthday, hard time finding a job where she fits her role), has a hard time making friends (generally doesn't like to bother people and might be shy/timid), is quiet, might have some form of autism, generally have depression, and blames herself for her problems. Generally average or slightly above average in appearence/intelligence This type is rare.
Toxic femcel: This is the most common type of femcel. They usually have short hair greasy hairt that's dyed bright colors, hate men simply for existing, blame the "patriarchy" for their personal problems instead of taking responsibility, they are VERY rude/entitled (so they act like Karens), have low IQs, smell bad (due to bad hygiene and their cats pissing/shitting everywhere), usually have 20 cats, never wear bras because they think bras somehow support the "patriarchy", and never get rid of that disgusting armpit hair or leg hair. They are generally below average to freakishly ugly when it comes to looks, and are incredibly dumb. Their personalities are atrocious.
Nice femcel: Is polite, doesn't get out much, might struggle financially/professionally (living with her parents after her 21st birthday, hard time finding a job where she fits her role), has a hard time making friends (generally doesn't like to bother people and might be shy/timid), is quiet, might have some form of autism, generally have depression, and blames herself for her problems. Generally average or slightly above average in appearence/intelligence This type is rare.
Toxic femcel: This is the most common type of femcel. They usually have short hair greasy hairt that's dyed bright colors, hate men simply for existing, blame the "patriarchy" for their personal problems instead of taking responsibility, they are VERY rude/entitled (so they act like Karens), have low IQs, smell bad (due to bad hygiene and their cats pissing/shitting everywhere), usually have 20 cats, never wear bras because they think bras somehow support the "patriarchy", and never get rid of that disgusting armpit hair or leg hair. They are generally below average to freakishly ugly when it comes to looks, and are incredibly dumb. Their personalities are atrocious.
Me: God, I must be a femcel, I still live with my parents at 22, can't find a job that sticks, and don't really have friends. It's all my fault.
Karen: You still live with your dad? I wish all men would fucking die!
Me: Go away Karen. The fact that you want all men to die is disgusting, plus you reek of cat piss, cat shit, sweat, used maxi pads, and a yeast infection, which is equally disgusting. Seriously, when was the last time you took a shower and did laundry?
Karen: Bathing and laundry were made up by the patriarchy! I haven't bathed or done laundry since I was 18!
Me: You mean to tell me that you haven't bathed or done laundry in almost a decade? How the actual fuck are you still alive and not dying of multiple infections?!?
Karen: Infections were made up by men so they had an excuse to objectify women!
Me: What the fuck kind of logic is that?
Karen: Stop asking me questions or I'm going to kick your ass!
Me: Really? I grew up as the only daughter and my parents had 4 sons. The fact that you think you can take me in a fight is hilarious!
Karen: Fuck you! (Tries to punch me)
Me: (Dodges, then knocks her out with one punch) Go fuck yourself.
Karen: You still live with your dad? I wish all men would fucking die!
Me: Go away Karen. The fact that you want all men to die is disgusting, plus you reek of cat piss, cat shit, sweat, used maxi pads, and a yeast infection, which is equally disgusting. Seriously, when was the last time you took a shower and did laundry?
Karen: Bathing and laundry were made up by the patriarchy! I haven't bathed or done laundry since I was 18!
Me: You mean to tell me that you haven't bathed or done laundry in almost a decade? How the actual fuck are you still alive and not dying of multiple infections?!?
Karen: Infections were made up by men so they had an excuse to objectify women!
Me: What the fuck kind of logic is that?
Karen: Stop asking me questions or I'm going to kick your ass!
Me: Really? I grew up as the only daughter and my parents had 4 sons. The fact that you think you can take me in a fight is hilarious!
Karen: Fuck you! (Tries to punch me)
Me: (Dodges, then knocks her out with one punch) Go fuck yourself.
by Vampira Andres March 07, 2025
A rich girl who wears designer outfits and fucks all the boys on every sports team at the school, fucking a different one every night. She usually bullies girls like me because I'm pale and dress in black most of the time. She's minipulitive, spoiled, mean, rude, and a terrible excuse for a human being. She's generally the main cause for female suicide, drug abuse, or alcohol addiction at her school. I'm lucky nobody at my school is like this. She also spreads lies about people she doesn't like, wears TOO MUCH makeup, gets plastic surgery/ Botox done every week to keep herself looking like a living Barbie while the rest of the girls look real, and she'll also bleach her hair and go to the tanning salon.
Me: (minding my own business)
Bitch: OMG, look at her, total fashion failure!
Me: (wearing more clothes than her) Have you looked in the mirror lately, because you look like a Cheeto with hardly any clothes on.
Bitch: You're wearing all that because you're fat.
Me: I'll have you know that I'm actually very slim and can kick your fucking bitch ass into next week you whore!
Bitch: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! (slaps me)
Me: (stands up from sitting on the bench, punches her plastic surgened nose, breaking it, then kicks her chest, popping one of the breast implants)
Bitch: (attempts to punch me, tears streaming down her face, blood oozing from fake nose)
Me: (grabs fist, puts her in straight arm bar and breaks arm)
Bitch: ( screams in pain)
then the principle calls our parents, her parents file lawsuit, my parents praise me for self defense then proceed to win lawsuit.
Bitch: OMG, look at her, total fashion failure!
Me: (wearing more clothes than her) Have you looked in the mirror lately, because you look like a Cheeto with hardly any clothes on.
Bitch: You're wearing all that because you're fat.
Me: I'll have you know that I'm actually very slim and can kick your fucking bitch ass into next week you whore!
Bitch: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT! (slaps me)
Me: (stands up from sitting on the bench, punches her plastic surgened nose, breaking it, then kicks her chest, popping one of the breast implants)
Bitch: (attempts to punch me, tears streaming down her face, blood oozing from fake nose)
Me: (grabs fist, puts her in straight arm bar and breaks arm)
Bitch: ( screams in pain)
then the principle calls our parents, her parents file lawsuit, my parents praise me for self defense then proceed to win lawsuit.
by Vampira Andres May 30, 2018
An event that consists of food, booze, lots of people (10 or more), music and fun. Usually parties are held to celebrate something, but they could even be thrown for no reason at all.
by Vampira Andres June 23, 2023