2 definitions by Uterus Pesto

The period, also known as the menstrulation cycle is when a female generally in their pre-teens (12-16) leaks ovary blood from their female genitalia (vagina) During this cycle you experience: weight gain, hard and engorged breasts, coherence, depression, eating disorder, mood swings, etc. Generally, when left a long period of time without cleaning, the menstrual blood gets a fishy smell to it. It’s good for fish-fillet and salmon, so I recommend collecting it and adding it to your meal rotation for healthy skin. Many fish oil pills secretly use the uterus blood In their product. The female period is what happens to prepare your ovaries for a baby to come out. Yum. These babies generally say “ow” when they come out because they drown in your sweet fish scented genitalia juice. Quotes from females on their periods: “This is hanging off my eyelid” “I’m hurting” “ow.” “ow.” “THERE IS CRANBERRY SAUCE IN MY LONG JOHNS, YEE-HAW!” “My favorite thong is ruined!” “delicious fish fillet.” “I made some great pesto last night for dinner for me and my kids.” “oh sh#$” “MY PEEPEE FEELS WEIRD”. Tips for your period: Wash the peepee often. When left alone for a long period of time, the blood dries and creates a thick crust around the peepee, which breaks into delicious cookie-sprinkles when you move your legs too much. (great for sugarcookies by the way, good with fish-fillet.)
I am on my period
by Uterus Pesto August 25, 2018
Sinus infections are when your sinuses get congested with moist mucus. This also, if not treated, can turn into some great green thick royal icing that is great for decorating cakes and steaks. When left for months, the sinus infection can turn into a pool of slime, which can be emptied and use as nickelodeon slime. So next time you are watching someone get slimed, remember this. It may be you or your crushes mucus from a month ago. You can also use a humidifier to simulate vaping. Just shove it up your nose and it will literally do nothing… nothing. Its air. Also, if you do pot, you can get lung cancer or die. So shove that up your nose, too for a great aroma that will last even after you are buried from dying of lung cancer. Drink lots of the fluids that come out of your sinuses. It really helps your hospital fees go up. You can use a nasal saline spray to make more liquids. If you for some odd reason haven’t had a sinus infection, its okay, because I am going to describe it to you. It is like someone poured some slime ur your nasal cleavage and then shoved it through your ears and into your eyebrows. Just some great pain as if you are lactating out of your eyes. Also delicious.
Sorry, Molly. I already ate all of my sinus slime! Youre going to have to wait until you have your sinus infections
by Uterus Pesto August 25, 2018