1 definition by ThisNeverHappened
Crystals are everything you read about her. Loyal, whore, dead-beat mom, daddy issues , the most beautiful girl you have ever seen, ambitious, lazy stripper, selfless, amazing bod, one of the best friends you could ever have, depressed, God's gift to men, great driver, devoted family member, cocky and the hardest person to try and get your obvious point across too. Every Crystal you stumble upon will encompass at least five of these qualities. Bonus points if she is a Capricorn because she will encompass at least 10 of these qualities. Sorry no ass tho, but Crystals be cooking. They are amazing in bed and do jumping jacks on the D. Some Crystals know the Kama Sutra as it is the only book they have ever read. As once spoken by the great Meg thee Stallion, "If it don't hang, he can't bang" but Crystals take a different approach. If there is too much hang, there will be no bang. If you are able to land a Crystal it will be your greatest achievement. And your life will be, as Crystals would say, "all Gucci in the Cucci."
Person 1:*opens eyes, looks around and doesn't see any Crystals* Am I in hell?
Person 2: Yes, Where Crystals cease to exist.
Person 2: Yes, Where Crystals cease to exist.
by ThisNeverHappened February 13, 2022