-A magical, mitten-shaped land consisting primarily of trees, whitetail deer
, squirrels, beaches, and snow. Inhabited by a race of people which are said to never complain about the cold, have a diet of which is made of 85% venison
and beer, and are rumored to be direct descendants of Canadians
-Consists of the U.P. and the lower peninsula. Don’t ever call it the “L.P.”
-Where whitetail deer come from.
-Where whitetail deer flee from in November.
-Tourists are both hated and loved here. The state needs them for a sustainable economy, yet it doesn't matter where you go; if you are a tourist, no one likes you.
-All five Great Lakes belong to Michigan. Ontario included. Which is why Michigan is also called the “Great Lakes State”. Deal with it.
-An Asian Carp’s dream home.
-Therefore, Asian Carp are a Michigander
’s greatest fear (other than running out of beer and deer to hunt).
-There is only one sports rivalry that matters: University of Michigan and Michigan State.
-Nobody in Michigan can drive worth a damn unless there’s snow on the ground. But even if there is snow on the ground, one should drive cautiously; this excludes douche bags with trucks. They quickly end up in the ditches.
… just… sucks. Anyone who lives outside Detroit considers it it’s own state. It’s often referred to as “Un-Michigan” or “Red Wings Land”.
-Without Detroit, Michigan would be much further down on the obesity and crime lists.
-See also: Canada