When a douchy, moccasin wearing, cool bearded hipster dude and his equally douchy girlfriend named Kale, who breastfeeds a baby that's not hers, can't find an organic product at the supermarket and they go apeshit.
Trader Joe's at night, probably on Earth Day. DOUCHY FEMALE BREASTFEEDING BABY THAT'S NOT HERS: (flabbergasted) "What the fuck? Where's the organic quinoa? There's no organic quinoa! HIPSTER DUDE: (Screaming effeminately at a Trader Joe's crewman ) "Where's the organic quinoa? This is the 21st century, they don't have these problems in Canada man." LOUDSPEAKER : "Organic panic aisle 3, I repeat, Organic panic aisle 3. Prepare for inevitable hissy fit, words of entitlement , and of course, vote for Bernie discourse.
Waiting in line at Walmart, hiked up on on ephedrine, purchasing more ephedrine for your girlfriend's weight loss ambitions and eyeballing a fine little Philly walking past your eyeballs hoping your girlfriend's body is as fine as hers... turns out it's your sister.
The Walmart cashier notices a sweaty, angst-ridden man ogling a woman. Cashier: "That'll be $16.37 for your ... (Cashier puts up her hands and makes air quotes) ... sinus medicine." The angst-ridden man continues to visually have sex with the woman. The woman turns around and sees the angst-ridden man. Woman: "Hi Marco, where's mom is she waiting on the car? Cashier: " Whoo-wee, that's some shit! Marco you checked out that ass like it's passing out five dollar EBT cards, you in a Alabama State of Mind!
Buy a
alabama state of mind
mug!
When she has something stuck in her teeth and the only way to get it out is by rubbing your dick on it.
Marco notices something awry. Marco, "Hey Erin, you got some fucking cilantro stuck in your teeth. You mind if I use my dick to rub it out." Erin, "You mean an Alabama flossing, I thought you'd never ask."
Buy a
Alabama flossing
mug!
When he thinks it's a good idea to ejaculate on your head, and it's not. Days later, after not Q-tipping properly, white waffle shaped debris falls from the ear commonly during Sunday brunch.
At Sunday brunch, Erin's Dad sees something fall from Erin's ear. He picks it up with his finger. ERIN'S DAD: (to Erin) "Look pumpkin, looks like a dead piece of skin. Someone needs to moisturize." ERIN'S MOM: "Oh, she moisturizes alright." Erin looks to her mother stunned. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to ERIN'S Dad, the "dead piece of skin" falls into his bottomless Mojito. He takes a drink. Erin's mom laughs, "Hey, lemme know how that Alabama ear waffle tastes." Erin and Erin's Mom high five and crack up laughing.
Buy a
Alabama ear waffle
mug!
When regular sex is out of the question with your work wife, classmate, or friend. A "platonic anal" hint or suggestion never hurts... well it doesn't hurt the person giving the anal.
MARCO: "Hey Erin, I wouldn't want to ruin our work relationship with classic vaginal sex or an unwanted pregnancy. Howabout we go all Christian Republican in this bitch and do a little platonic anal." ERIN: "Makes sense. Let's do this! Although I must warn you, I had Chipotle for lunch."
Replacement word for palindrome. A palindrome is a word or phrase that reads the same backwards as forward, for example, racecar or eye.
CLAY: Hey Hannah! Did you know your name is a palindrome?
HANNAH: Yes, I did, and why the fuck is the word palindrome not a palindrome?
CLAY: Right, the word should be palindromeemordnilap.
Buy a
palindromeemordnilap
mug!
It's a bubble of snot coming out of your nose. There's also a smelly version if the person has COPD.
Erin has fun with Marco, a slob of a beast with Chronic Bronchitis. ERIN: "Do it again! Do it again! "Marco makes a booger bubble that dislodges and floats aboot the room. Erin pops the bubble and makes a face like something smells. ERIN: "Ew! Something smells." Marco laughs uncontrollably until he codes and dies.
