Definitions by Simian Pachyderm

Boston Crabs 

A parasitic pubic lice indigenous to the greater Boston area.

"After picking up that clinical research associate at the Red Sox game, I woke up with some fierce itching down there I tell you. What do you think the story is, fire ants?"

"Mate, sounds to me more like a case of Boston crabs".

Boston Crabs by Simian Pachyderm January 18, 2010

Oxyconstipated 

Constipation induced by oxycontin.

"Get outta there butt sludge, I need to use the toilet. You've been in there all nite you hillbilly heroine-popping degenerate."

"You should go use the bathroom in the lobby of the Four Seasons or something since I'm not going anywhere fast. I make no apologies sir for I am oxyconstipated."

Oxyconstipated by Simian Pachyderm January 18, 2010

Raisin Dieter 

Raisin Dieter

Sara Palin's pronunciation of "raison d'etre".

For some folks in the liberal media, making fun of me seems to be their raisin dieter.

Raisin Dieter by Simian Pachyderm December 21, 2009

Hypnorthosis 

A trancelike state, artificially induced, in which a person has a heightened suggestibility regarding the need for foot orthotics.

After visiting a soothsayer in a shopping mall kiosk, that guy won't even go scuba diving without his orthotics. Practitioners of hypnorthosis sometimes take it too far.

Hypnorthosis by Simian Pachyderm July 27, 2009

Psychiatryst 

It's what you call it when a psychiatrist has an affair with an adult patient in their care.

Any shrink who gets caught banging their patient shouldn't have their license taken away for having a psychiatryst. They should be struck for being such a poor diagnostician.

Psychiatryst by Simian Pachyderm July 25, 2009

Vegestalt Shift 

A snap transformation to a vegetarian lifestyle informed by moral considerations. The consumption of animal products is suddenly perceived to be wrong.

After reading Peter Singer, his view of the world changed. It was a vegestalt shift.

Vegestalt Shift by Simian Pachyderm July 25, 2009

African Americano 

An Americano is a style of coffee. A shot of espresso combined with hot water.

If you take it black, then you're having an African Americano.

To the barrista - "May I have an Americano please?"

"Do you take it with milk sir?"

"Nothing thanks. Just make it an African Americano please."

African Americano by Simian Pachyderm July 23, 2009