Euphemism used in human dynamics, including but not limited to romances, workplaces and general social discourse.
It is used by X, who is miffed at Y’s refusal to be manipulated by X or act in a way that X wishes them to. X is socially precluded from saying, “Damn! Y won’t bend to my will, which is the only thing that matters! Me! ME! MEEEEEE!!!!! Curses!”, and so, rather, quietly responds with the back of the verbal hand, slyly denigrating Y as having “issues”. The “issue”, of course, is that Y has enough character or determination not to dance like a monkey to X’s tune. The term is non-gender specific, as both men and women are likely to use it in some form or another.
It is used by X, who is miffed at Y’s refusal to be manipulated by X or act in a way that X wishes them to. X is socially precluded from saying, “Damn! Y won’t bend to my will, which is the only thing that matters! Me! ME! MEEEEEE!!!!! Curses!”, and so, rather, quietly responds with the back of the verbal hand, slyly denigrating Y as having “issues”. The “issue”, of course, is that Y has enough character or determination not to dance like a monkey to X’s tune. The term is non-gender specific, as both men and women are likely to use it in some form or another.
Example 1: John Doe has tried to inveigle Jane Moe into bed. She says no. Thwarted, John Doe sneers that, “well, you know, Jane Moe has Issues regarding strong men”, pejoratively implying lesbian tendencies . Reality: John Doe is an irritating, self-satisfied blowhard and well worth avoiding.
Example 2: Jane Fictional has tried to alter the conduct of her boyfriend, John Examplefellow. He refuses to make changes that are, in her view, necessary to improve the relationship; he has reasons for doing so, based on his experience(s) and/or view(s), and presents them. Jane will complain to her friends that John “can’t move forward because he has Issues”. Reality: she is nettled that she is unable to “fix the rules” of the relationship, and ascribes this not to controlling tendencies on her part but to nonexistent problems on his.
Translation Assistance. When one hears the phrase “(s)he has issues…”, mentally edit the phrase to read “(s)he won’t do what I want” and see if that more accurately describes the real outlook of the speaker. If it does, you have identified and isolated the Euphemism, and can run for shelter at your best speed.
Example 2: Jane Fictional has tried to alter the conduct of her boyfriend, John Examplefellow. He refuses to make changes that are, in her view, necessary to improve the relationship; he has reasons for doing so, based on his experience(s) and/or view(s), and presents them. Jane will complain to her friends that John “can’t move forward because he has Issues”. Reality: she is nettled that she is unable to “fix the rules” of the relationship, and ascribes this not to controlling tendencies on her part but to nonexistent problems on his.
Translation Assistance. When one hears the phrase “(s)he has issues…”, mentally edit the phrase to read “(s)he won’t do what I want” and see if that more accurately describes the real outlook of the speaker. If it does, you have identified and isolated the Euphemism, and can run for shelter at your best speed.
by seeker6079 October 26, 2005
In human males, the intellectual or emotional stabbing pain created by the seemingly irreconcilable contradictions in human female statements, behaviour, responses or expectations. Paradox cramps are usually but not exclusively experienced in heterosexual romantic relationship interdynamics.
Human Female: “Of course I wanted to talk to you. That’s why you shouldn’t have called me.” or “Yes, I know I told you to do it, and you did it right away. That’s why I am angry at you.”
Human male: “Understood. Apropos of nothing at all, where do you keep your Tylenol 3s / bourbon?”
Scientist: "Thus we see a paradox cramp, inducing standard response behaviour."
Human male: “Understood. Apropos of nothing at all, where do you keep your Tylenol 3s / bourbon?”
Scientist: "Thus we see a paradox cramp, inducing standard response behaviour."
by Seeker6079 September 16, 2005
Descriptive Noun. Fourth part of a four-part sequence which explains all types of individuals.
An OPTIMIST is a person who doesn't have all the facts.
A PESSIMIST is an optimist who does have all the facts.
A CYNIC is a pessimist who has seen the facts in action.
A PARANOID is a cynic who has FINALLY realized that the facts are after him.
An OPTIMIST is a person who doesn't have all the facts.
A PESSIMIST is an optimist who does have all the facts.
A CYNIC is a pessimist who has seen the facts in action.
A PARANOID is a cynic who has FINALLY realized that the facts are after him.
Petra the Paranoid is worried that her boyfriend, Peter the Priapic, is going to cheat on her. Oh, she's just crazy and irrational. The only other people who believe her nutty fear are the Nancy Nurse and Debbie Doctor, who have just finished the report which confirms that Petra has an STD.
by seeker6079 October 26, 2005