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From Episode 4 of Red Vs Blue, funniest quote IMO.
Church: Ya, I'll let 'cha in on a little secret. I've ah, I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh ya? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. You know, we were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and, ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: Naw, I think he just called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I've got an a much more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great...
Church: See, we got this General..
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: Who likes to come by, and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just incase he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he stopping by?
Tucker: We never know, could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on, don't they teach you guys anything at training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag. Man you know the it's the flag. Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well it's-it's complicated. Its blue, we're blue.
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right..
Church: So just go in there you know faraway from us and wait for him.
Caboose: How will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie, he's the one new guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out. Man, that guy is dumber then you are.
Tucker: You mean, he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback
Caboose: Uhh.. Mr. Church sir!
Church: Oh my god. WHAT? Tucker I swear I'm gonna kill him.
Caboose: Sorry a-about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY GET IN THERE!
Tucker: Hah hah hah ha
Church: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut: Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside... I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you.
Donut: What did I do?
Church: One...
Donut: Aw.. give me a break.
Church: Two..
Donut: Fine!
Church: Ya, I'll let 'cha in on a little secret. I've ah, I've actually got a girl back home.
Tucker: Oh ya? Girlfriend or wife?
Church: No, man, she's just my girlfriend. You know, we were gonna get married, but I got shipped out, and, ah, you know how it works.
Tucker: Oh, well, are you gonna marry her when you get back?
Caboose: I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Church: Hey rookie, did you just call my girlfriend a cow?
Tucker: Naw, I think he just called her a slut.
Church: I'll tell you what noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I've got an a much more important job for you to do.
Caboose: Great...
Church: See, we got this General..
Tucker: Right, the General guy.
Church: Who likes to come by, and make random inspections of bases. So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention. Just incase he decides to come by.
Caboose: When is he stopping by?
Tucker: We never know, could be today, could be a week from now.
Caboose: You want me to stand at attention for a week?
Church: You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag.
Caboose: What's so important about the flag?
Church: Oh come on, don't they teach you guys anything at training?
Caboose: They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?
Church: Because it's the flag. Man you know the it's the flag. Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important.
Tucker: Well it's-it's complicated. Its blue, we're blue.
Church: It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the general comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag.
Tucker: Right..
Church: So just go in there you know faraway from us and wait for him.
Caboose: How will I know when I see him?
Tucker: There's only three of us out here, rookie, he's the one new guy that doesn't look like one of us.
Church: Now get in there and don't come out. Man, that guy is dumber then you are.
Tucker: You mean, he's dumber than you are.
Church: Wow, Tucker, that was a great comeback
Caboose: Uhh.. Mr. Church sir!
Church: Oh my god. WHAT? Tucker I swear I'm gonna kill him.
Caboose: Sorry a-about calling your girlfriend a slut.
Church: ROOKIE! SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY GET IN THERE!
Tucker: Hah hah hah ha
Church: Tucker, are you laughing at me?
Donut: Excuse me, sir. Can I ask you a question?
Church: Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around and you are not inside... I- I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you.
Donut: What did I do?
Church: One...
Donut: Aw.. give me a break.
Church: Two..
Donut: Fine!
by Rich dude October 19, 2007