Poor Woobie's definitions

New Jersey Paper Route

A New Jersey Paper Route occurs when an intoxicated person proceeds to vomit and/or defecate on his neighbors' front porches and/or driveways while attempting to walk back to his/her house.

After a night of heavy drinking and pounding techno music, Salvatore made the mistake of stopping by Tony's Diner for a meatball sub. The greasy meal combined with his already drunken state caused him to vomit on one neighbor's driveway, and have a violent bowel movement on another neighbor's front porch. When he finally made it to his front door, Salvatore could only grimace at the repurcussions his New Jersey Paper Route would usher in the following day.

by Poor Woobie March 11, 2008

Glidey

When an excess accumulation of sweat and filth between one's buttcheeks enables said person to walk faster and with longer strides (or "glide" if you will). This occurs because the ass sweat reduces friction between the buttocks. Unfortunately, the benefits of being glidey are far outweighed by the drawbacks, which include: anal soreness/irritation, rashes, and localized chafing in the anal area.

One is said to be "glidey", or to have a case of "glideys".

Glideys can be caused by not wiping properly, heavy sweating, not bathing, or any number of other factors.

While walking across the parking lot in the afternoon heat, Morris immediately regretted having been so hasty in cleansing his anus after defecation. The squishiness between his buttocks, coupled with the frictionless strides he was suddenly able to take, led him to realize that he was Glidey.

At the end of the Skee-Lo video "I Wish", Skee-Lo performs a dance that appears to be possible only with the assistance of a severe case of the Glideys.

by Poor Woobie March 11, 2008