Pit: The main protagonist of the NES game, "Kid Icarus". Born a human, he died after ingesting chlorox, became an Angel and was trapped in the underworld (i'm not making this up, people..let's all give a warm round of applause to the nintento copywriters for their *brilliant* work). Queen Palutena, ruler of Angel Land, contacted Pit to find the 3 sacred treasures stolen by Medussa. Eventually,(after 12 hellishly hard levels), he puts an arrow through Medusa and saves Queen Palutena.
For reference, there were 3 endings: 1) Pit grows into a man 2) Pit and Palutena kiss and 3) Pit grows large wings and leaves the underworld
Although affected by a Surfer-cum-Latin accent (ex: like for sureikus!) in the Captain N: The Game Master cartoon, Pit doesn't speak in the video game.
Perhaps the greatest of the early nintento characters, Simon Belmont was the original protagonist of the Castlevania series. A self professed leather queen (his famous words, "Dracula, you bitch! Take THAT!), he was able to fight his way through Dracula's lair via a whip, the Vampire Slayer. He sired many children via a wooden turkey baster, good luck, and a few very fertile women.
After his retirement in the year 1467, he took the gold he collected from levels 1-4 and opened a gay bar in Bucharest called, "Encounters", known for stiff drinks and soft men. Mention this definition and get 25% off your first round!
Simon Belmont, of the cursed Belmont clan, fought Dracula, inspired countless games, sired a son, and is Mr Bucharest Leather 1472!
Named after the talented, homosexual actor, Ryan Seacrest, the Seacrest Special involves one partner taking a toothbrush, covering it in toothpaste, and then brushing around the other partner's anus (ie, asshole). The intended goal is to remove any excess buildup around the anus, while providing rimmers with a healthy alternative to eating an unclean ass. Ryan Seacrest, president of the North American Sit On My Face club, wholeheartedly approves of this position, and encourages people to use Crest, preferrably peppermint for that extra special tingle.
I'm Ryan Seacrest and I approve of this message: With Crest's new multi-tarter bleaching toothpaste, the Seacrest Special has never been better!
The Danish Liberation Movement (DLM) is an environmental group dedicated to recycling human waste into heating fuel, such as coal or natural gas. They currently have two products, "Dem Shaester broek" (the shit brick) and "Dem Woester Wounde" (the great wind), both used by the majority of Danish citizens. It is a great honor to give a ton of Shaester Broek to your family; it recognizes their commitment to the environment, as well as your financial investment to their wellbeing
Hans: Lara, what is that sound?
Lara: Papa, it's the Danish Liberation Movement with your Shaester Broek!
Hans: Lara! A ton of shit from Christmas! Could there be a better gift?
Lara: Truely shit is the gift that keeps on giving.
Hans: I'll drink to that!