Nigel Fleming's definitions
An especially annoying piece of faecal matter that will try its damndest to stay in your anus, as if clinging on to life itself. Blood vesels may be burst trying to shift one of these bastards, be careful!
Oh my God, half an hour it took me to drop that stubborn turd from my arse, but boy was it worth the wait!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the stubborn turdmug. A lady of the night who will perform any sordid act for the meagre price of a tuppeny bit( Old British coin). These women roamed the streets around the start of the 20th century, waiting for men to cross their filthy palms with the modern day equivalent of the price of a cup of coffee. Very skanky ladies indeed.
I say Humphry, have you any plans this evening?
Why no Henry, shall we partake of a tuppeny whore a piece, then retire to our wives?
Why no Henry, shall we partake of a tuppeny whore a piece, then retire to our wives?
by Nigel Fleming July 19, 2006
Get the tuppeny whoremug. The act of masterbating in secret without anybody noticing. Usually done behind a bush or whilst peering through a gap in the blinds, looking directly at the subject of your filthy attention. A real art when perfected.
I saw a cracking looking girl on the sidewalk outside my house yesterday and couldn't resist knocking off a crafty wank from my bedroom as she stood there!
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the crafty wankmug. The act of expelling a shit early, before it is naturally ready to be given birth to. Such an act results in excrutiating pain and usually an increase in blood pressure, rather than the euphoric sensation experienced when dropping a turd as nature planned.
by Nigel Fleming July 9, 2006
Get the abort a turdmug. Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.
I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.
by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006
Get the wank mopmug. Similar to the kids favourite, musical chairs, only a man will lie on the floor and try to maintain wood. Ladies will then dance over him in a circle wearing no underwear. When the music stops the lady who is on over the man at that time will squat down and shag him for a certain amount of time until the music starts again and the ladies dance once more.
Rupert: Hey, how was your birthday party the other night, did you get up to anything exciting?
Nigel: I had a fantastic night, me and the ladies enjoyed a game of musical shags.I shot my load about ten times!
Nigel: I had a fantastic night, me and the ladies enjoyed a game of musical shags.I shot my load about ten times!
by Nigel Fleming May 1, 2007
Get the Musical Shags.mug. Noun: To do a paula radcliffe. The act of not bothering to make much of an effort to win something, unless there is a financial gain to be made. This applies especially when representing your country for nothing when you cannot be arsed compared to winning marathons by a mile where huge sums of cash are involved.
Neil: God I cannot wait to see the rowers at the next Olympic Games.
Nigel: Me too lets just hope they don't do a paula radcliffe on us and save themselves for the Henley Royal Regatta!
Nigel: Me too lets just hope they don't do a paula radcliffe on us and save themselves for the Henley Royal Regatta!
by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006
Get the paula radcliffemug.