by Nick D March 13, 2003
An invisible article of clothing that appears when you've had a lot of beer to prevent you from getting cold. They're a figure of speech really, the point is just that if you're drunk enough that you don't feel the least bit cold no matter where you are, you're sporting some serious beermuffs.
When Nate was about to leave the party it dawned on him that he lived 2 miles away. And it was 3 am. And he had no car. And he was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. And it was January. And he lived in the northern part of Alaska. And there was a blizzard going on outside. He knew the only solution to this dilemma was to hop on that keg like a Tri Delt on a cake and fashion himself a good pair of beermuffs.
by Nick D November 03, 2003
A figurative expression meaning being a complete failure at life, a drain on society. Originates from the SNL skit featuring Chris Farley as Matt Foley, motivational speaker.
"You kids are probably saying to yourself, "Now, I'm gonna go out, and I'm gonna get the world by the tail and wrap it around and put it in my pocket!" Well, I'm here to tell you that you're probably gonna find out, as you go out there, that you're not gonna amount to jack squat!" You're gonna end up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river!" -Matt Foley
Dad: "You made it, son! Congratulations on graduating from Harvard Summa Cum Laude and getting that great job at Goldman Sachs, the world's #1 investment bank."
Son: "Thanks, dad. But actually I only got Magna Cum Laude and will be working at Morgan Stanley, the #2 investment bank in the world."
Dad: "WHAAAAAAT?!?! How have I raised such a worthless, good-for-nothing slacker? You couldn't even finish in the top 10% of your Harvard class with your 3 point..."
Son: "3.76."
Dad: "3.76? A monkey with down syndrome could get a better GPA than that! You miserable failure!"
Son: "Dad, seriously, I worked really hard!"
Dad: "I bet you did! I bet you worked your ass off playing beer pong and chasing the coeds! Well sonny, you're going to have plenty of time to drink beer and chase trashy women when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"
Dad: "You made it, son! Congratulations on graduating from Harvard Summa Cum Laude and getting that great job at Goldman Sachs, the world's #1 investment bank."
Son: "Thanks, dad. But actually I only got Magna Cum Laude and will be working at Morgan Stanley, the #2 investment bank in the world."
Dad: "WHAAAAAAT?!?! How have I raised such a worthless, good-for-nothing slacker? You couldn't even finish in the top 10% of your Harvard class with your 3 point..."
Son: "3.76."
Dad: "3.76? A monkey with down syndrome could get a better GPA than that! You miserable failure!"
Son: "Dad, seriously, I worked really hard!"
Dad: "I bet you did! I bet you worked your ass off playing beer pong and chasing the coeds! Well sonny, you're going to have plenty of time to drink beer and chase trashy women when you're LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"
by Nick D June 21, 2006
A serious fall in which you land on your face. It's called a "face plant" because it appears as if you're trying to do an impression of a plant with your face as its roots.
Last night at Sigma Chi I was so wasted that I slipped, bounced off the ramp, and did a serious face-plant onto the ground below.
by Nick D May 24, 2004
I'll give you 3 iced-out chains, 2 purrs of Urr Force Ones and a niner...that's 2 G in g money if you be countin'...if yo ass give me dat bag o' crack rock.
by Nick D May 05, 2003
Narc: Is that marijuana? Could I buy some?
You: NO BITCH...it's oregano. Where you go to school, Widney High?
You: NO BITCH...it's oregano. Where you go to school, Widney High?
by Nick D February 07, 2003