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Mr. Cardboard's definitions

Virgin Megastore

An all-girls highschool.
Dude 1: Are you coming to the canteen at lunch?

Dude 2: No I need to nip to the Virgin Megastore.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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fear

An emotion which, irrespective of whatever previous emotion you were feeling, instantaneously makes you feel like you are going to die, fills your entire body with adrenaline and sends your heart rate off the scale.

Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:

- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over

- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor

- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up

- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
"Are you coming to the pub?"

"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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goober

Someone who is unable to manage their finances or fertility well enough such that they have to get out of bed or "goob" in order to obtain more money or attend to their offspring, instead of lying in bed all day drinking and masturbating like a true champion.
"I have 3 kids and a large mortgage."

"You goober."
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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criminal

A homosexual in extreme denial, since anyone who goes to jail will definitely get raped by members of the same sex.

Incarceration and capital punishment being inadequate deterrents for persons to commit crime, the thrill of being raped is the only motive.
"Hey man, I'm a businessman, I sell dope, I sell coke, I sell phet, I sell ket. I make my money the way the streets demand."

"No, you're a criminal, and we're going to fuck you until your asshole looks like a whale's blowhole."
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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zombie sex

Sex with a zombie.

When presented with a fairly fresh zombie that still has attractive characteristics, the concept of sex with said zombie occurs to you and, depending on circumstances, may become reality.

When the zombie apocalypse comes, many people will have a wagonful of zombies held captive for just this purpose, and likely be prepared to kill living people just so they can have zombie sex with them.
Dude 1: Stacey is so hot, her bod is super sweet.

Dude 2: Forget it dude, the only way you'll ever fuck her is zombie sex.
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
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bubbly

A sunny disposition adopted by fat women because if they didn't they would have nothing to offer society.
Dude: So what's your friend like?

Chick: Oh she's awesome, she's really bubbly.

Dude: You mean she's fat?

Chick: No, she just has a great outlook on life. Always so positive.

Dude: Okay then. But is she fat?

Chick: Well, she's kinda big...

Dude: Uh-huh, that's what I thought.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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dad shagger

The logical response to being called a motherfucker. Being called "motherfucker" implies that you fuck your own mother and is generally considered the highest insult one can bestow.

By immediately responding "dadshagger" one temporarily confuses one's literary opponent as to whether it would be worse to shag their dad or fuck their mother and whether they have in fact been semantically bested. Erstwhile, thou positions thine foot squarely betwixt their thighs with such vehemence as to render them infertile for the rest of their sorry ass life.
Antagonist: "You motherfucker!"

Pacifist: "Dad shagger"

Antagonist: "Huh?"

Pacifist: "SQUAHNUTKICK"
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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