Definitions by Mr. Cardboard
shipwreck
Cocktail - variant of the Bloody Mary.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
shipwreck by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
al dente
Undercooked pasta which, upon regurgitation, resembles a squirming mass of worms and maggots. Al dente literally means "to the teeth", as it is almost crunchy, meaning it is cheap, dried pasta rather than fresh, soft pasta.
For example a hastily-cooked friday night spaghetti before going out on the piss can be complimented as "al dente", however once one is blowing chunks in the form of long, strandy, red worms covered in stomach bile that tickle ever inch of your oesophagus, not to mention the back of your nose, down a back alley, soon becomes "undercooked".
For example a hastily-cooked friday night spaghetti before going out on the piss can be complimented as "al dente", however once one is blowing chunks in the form of long, strandy, red worms covered in stomach bile that tickle ever inch of your oesophagus, not to mention the back of your nose, down a back alley, soon becomes "undercooked".
"Sorry I puked all over your dress last night."
"That's ok, it was mostly spaghetti so it was very easy to clean off, thank god for al dente."
"That explains why I shat nothing but worms and maggots this morning, next time I'll give it a couple more minutes in the pan."
"That's ok, it was mostly spaghetti so it was very easy to clean off, thank god for al dente."
"That explains why I shat nothing but worms and maggots this morning, next time I'll give it a couple more minutes in the pan."
al dente by Mr. Cardboard November 3, 2011
Widespread Panic
Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early
- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it
- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you
- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
Widespread Panic by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
sinkpiss
Pissing in the sink instead of the toilet. An act which saves water and is therefore good for the planet but enrages women purely because they can't do it due to their defective chromosomes, causing them to make ridiculous claims such as "it's disgusting" when we all know that urine is sterile as it leaves the body.
"You better not be doing a sinkpiss again!"
"I pay the water bill bitch so until you let me put a urinal in the bathroom I'm sinkpissing!"
"I pay the water bill bitch so until you let me put a urinal in the bathroom I'm sinkpissing!"
sinkpiss by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
chromosomes
Something that men have 24 kinds of whereas women have just 23. Although women have two X chromosomes while men have one X and one Y, one of the women's X chromosomes is "transcriptionally silent" i.e. completely inactive.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
"Have you seen The Sarah Silverman Show? She is one funny ass chick!"
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
chromosomes by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
couch pillows
A bizzare expression used by some people to describe the small, square cushions placed on a couch to enhance it's comfort and aesthetics, as opposed to the larger cushions which form the seat and are hence integral to the couch.
They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.
They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.
From Step Brothers (2008):
Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"
Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"
couch pillows by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011