Mr. Cardboard's definitions

thirsty

A craving for water or other beverage to alleviate dehydration.

Sarah Silverman: "I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.”

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

angry tramp

Cocktail, also known as a bullseye. Consists of 50% red wine, 50% red bull, though more commonly red rooster is used instead of red bull as it is way cheaper.

The best fucking drink in the world to get fucked up on, but causing you to shout incoherently at traffic - hence the name.

Dude 1: Did you just pour red rooster into your wine?

Dude 2: Yeah, it's an angry tramp. Try some.

Dude 1: (tries drink) wow, that's fuckin awesome. Can I have one?

(2 hours later)

Dude 1: fuckin... CARS! I'll give you... somethin to beep about. Yeah BEEP BEEP. I remember, I was... This way? Yes.

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

Widespread Panic

Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:

- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early

- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it

- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you

- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure

Dude have you seen one guy, one jar? Now THAT'S widespread panic.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

schlongs in thongs

An amusing way to refer to male transvestites and pre-op transexuals, in the same vein as other rhyming or alliterative means of alleviating the ridiculousness of encountering men who are so psychologically damaged that they believe they are actually women trapped in men's bodies, because no-one has bothered to explain to them that they have X and Y chromosomes whereas women have only X chromosomes, and that their assertion that they are female is therefore medically and scientifically impossible.

See also:
chicks with dicks, cocks in frocks, sluts with nuts, dames with dongs, women with wangs, girls with grapes, princesses with penises, mums with plums, lads in lingerie, gals with balls, boys with boobs

I have an annual subscription to Schlongs in Thongs.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

marmalade

The natural lubricant of the anus, designed to enable shit to slide out more easily but which also facilitates the insertion of golf balls.

"I was holding in a shit all last period but it turned out to just be a huge fart, however I wiped anyway in case some marmalade had come out."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

facefuck

To comment on someone's facebook status or post and engage them in conversation, then delete all your comments so it looks like they have been talking to themself.

Victim: I know, they rock!
Victim: Absolutely! Last year, and twice the year before.
Victim: Yeah she's great. I can't wait.
Victim: Aww I got facefucked...

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

criminal

A homosexual in extreme denial, since anyone who goes to jail will definitely get raped by members of the same sex.

Incarceration and capital punishment being inadequate deterrents for persons to commit crime, the thrill of being raped is the only motive.

"Hey man, I'm a businessman, I sell dope, I sell coke, I sell phet, I sell ket. I make my money the way the streets demand."

"No, you're a criminal, and we're going to fuck you until your asshole looks like a whale's blowhole."

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011