Mr. Cardboard's definitions

special needs haircut

One of the best possible pranks you can pull on someone who gets too drunk and falls asleep at a party. Various forms are possible but depend largely on the pre-existing haircut, the position the recipient has passed out in, how unconscious they are and the hair cutting devices available.

The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".

nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.

Dude 1: Urgh, where am I? What time is it?

Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*

Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

facefuck

To comment on someone's facebook status or post and engage them in conversation, then delete all your comments so it looks like they have been talking to themself.

Victim: I know, they rock!
Victim: Absolutely! Last year, and twice the year before.
Victim: Yeah she's great. I can't wait.
Victim: Aww I got facefucked...

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

Widespread Panic

Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:

- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early

- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it

- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you

- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure

Dude have you seen one guy, one jar? Now THAT'S widespread panic.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

schlongs in thongs

An amusing way to refer to male transvestites and pre-op transexuals, in the same vein as other rhyming or alliterative means of alleviating the ridiculousness of encountering men who are so psychologically damaged that they believe they are actually women trapped in men's bodies, because no-one has bothered to explain to them that they have X and Y chromosomes whereas women have only X chromosomes, and that their assertion that they are female is therefore medically and scientifically impossible.

See also:
chicks with dicks, cocks in frocks, sluts with nuts, dames with dongs, women with wangs, girls with grapes, princesses with penises, mums with plums, lads in lingerie, gals with balls, boys with boobs

I have an annual subscription to Schlongs in Thongs.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

pornanza

A bonanza of porn.

I've never seen so much porn in one place at one time, it's a pornanza!

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

immolate

to impersonate a mole

"There's a famous picture of a Vietrnamese monk who immolated himself in order to protest the war."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

sinkpiss

Pissing in the sink instead of the toilet. An act which saves water and is therefore good for the planet but enrages women purely because they can't do it due to their defective chromosomes, causing them to make ridiculous claims such as "it's disgusting" when we all know that urine is sterile as it leaves the body.

"You better not be doing a sinkpiss again!"

"I pay the water bill bitch so until you let me put a urinal in the bathroom I'm sinkpissing!"

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011