Mr. Cardboard's definitions

Widespread Panic

Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:

- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early

- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it

- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you

- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure

Dude have you seen one guy, one jar? Now THAT'S widespread panic.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

schlongs in thongs

An amusing way to refer to male transvestites and pre-op transexuals, in the same vein as other rhyming or alliterative means of alleviating the ridiculousness of encountering men who are so psychologically damaged that they believe they are actually women trapped in men's bodies, because no-one has bothered to explain to them that they have X and Y chromosomes whereas women have only X chromosomes, and that their assertion that they are female is therefore medically and scientifically impossible.

See also:
chicks with dicks, cocks in frocks, sluts with nuts, dames with dongs, women with wangs, girls with grapes, princesses with penises, mums with plums, lads in lingerie, gals with balls, boys with boobs

I have an annual subscription to Schlongs in Thongs.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

Lambrover

A Lambrini hangover. A hangover resulting from excessive consumption of Lambrini.

Not to be confused with: Lamb rover.

Cherise woke up wondering where she was, still wearing the same dress from last night. She stumbled to the bathroom past her broken high heels and sat on the toilet with her head in her hands. Pulling out her Galaxy Note 10 she started to go through the pictures from last night on Facebook. This was the beginning of the mother of all Lambrovers.

by Mr. Cardboard August 23, 2019

immolate

to impersonate a mole

"There's a famous picture of a Vietrnamese monk who immolated himself in order to protest the war."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

sinkpiss

Pissing in the sink instead of the toilet. An act which saves water and is therefore good for the planet but enrages women purely because they can't do it due to their defective chromosomes, causing them to make ridiculous claims such as "it's disgusting" when we all know that urine is sterile as it leaves the body.

"You better not be doing a sinkpiss again!"

"I pay the water bill bitch so until you let me put a urinal in the bathroom I'm sinkpissing!"

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

bubbly

A sunny disposition adopted by fat women because if they didn't they would have nothing to offer society.

Dude: So what's your friend like?

Chick: Oh she's awesome, she's really bubbly.

Dude: You mean she's fat?

Chick: No, she just has a great outlook on life. Always so positive.

Dude: Okay then. But is she fat?

Chick: Well, she's kinda big...

Dude: Uh-huh, that's what I thought.

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

dad shagger

The logical response to being called a motherfucker. Being called "motherfucker" implies that you fuck your own mother and is generally considered the highest insult one can bestow.

By immediately responding "dadshagger" one temporarily confuses one's literary opponent as to whether it would be worse to shag their dad or fuck their mother and whether they have in fact been semantically bested. Erstwhile, thou positions thine foot squarely betwixt their thighs with such vehemence as to render them infertile for the rest of their sorry ass life.

Antagonist: "You motherfucker!"

Pacifist: "Dad shagger"

Antagonist: "Huh?"

Pacifist: "SQUAHNUTKICK"

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011