Monkey's Dad's definitions

OMC

Shock at testing positive for the Omicron variant of Covid.

"I sincerely hope you're fully vaccinated"
"Who? Me? ... Why?"
"Your test came back positive. But relax. It will only kill you if you're unvaccinated,"
"OMC"
"OMG! Please tell me..."
"I mean... I figured... if Marjorie Taylor Greene didn't get the shot... or wear a mask... no need, right?"

by Monkey's Dad December 31, 2021

Darnella Frazier

The young woman whose eyewitness video of the George Floyd killing by former police officer Derek Chauvin in Minneapolis on May 25, 2020, became a crucial artifact of American history.

Only 17 at the time, Darnella Frazier is to the Floyd killing what Abraham Zapruder was to the assassination of John F. Kennedy, an accidental bystander with a camera, a vital witness to an historic moment. Ms. Frazier's video of the arrest, which recorded Floyd's plea - I can't breathe - as Chauvin knelt on his neck for more than 9 minutes, sparked protests across the country. A witness at Chauvin's murder trial, Ms. Frazier expressed regret for not physically confronting Mr. Chauvin. “It’s been nights I stayed up apologizing and apologizing to George Floyd for not doing more and not physically interacting and not saving his life,” Ms. Frazier said.

by Monkey's Dad March 31, 2021

Does Not Match

Mysteriously appearing in response to your user name, your password, your email, all of which you have entered correctly.

He typed his email for the fourth time, slowly and carefully, and again got the message: "does not match". He hit 'forget your password?' They could send him a temporary one, no problem. First, he needed to enter his email address.

by Monkey's Dad April 20, 2020

invisible prison cell

The six-foot radius meant to prevent coronavirus transmission.

He felt it as portable solitary confinement, like carrying around an invisible prison cell.

by Monkey's Dad March 23, 2020

NewJersification

To take an immaculately beautiful woman and, through blind applications of high-contrast streaks, razor-straight bangs, sharp 45-degree layered angles - acrylic 'fingernails' which soon cover only half the actual nail and look like what exactly? - pounds of makeup, all of which have zero to do with the real woman, her proportions, natural coloration or her perfect, essential beauty, and have everything to do with a state-wide communal aesthetic, n' toin huh intuh a nudduh cookie cuttuh Joisy Goil.

Underneath it all was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or would ever see. Beautiful beyond words. All that had to be done was to simply reverse the NewJersification to which she had , stunningly, submitted .

by Monkey's Dad April 1, 2023

Toxitocin

Oxytocin's evil twin, a hormone and neurotransmitter released into the bloodstream, producing violently unpleasant sensations, in response to certain stimuli.

She realized that for the first time in five years her mind and body were at ease. Biden was president. Covid vaccinations were available, stimulus checks were in the mail, which no longer took weeks to arrive. The trump-era infusions of corrosive Toxitocin which, at the sound... the very mention!... of the t-word, of that bluntly pugilistic name, the whine of that little voice! the sight of that absurd hairdo! had surged and coursed through her veins and synapses, was ebbing away. It was over. She felt almost alive again.

by Monkey's Dad March 14, 2021

ingraptitude

A talent or propensity to be ungrateful.

She had finally had enough of his ingraptitude, deciding that the next time he woke her at 2:30, from a sound sleep, he would be set free to find out just how many women wanted to 'take care of' him at that hour.

by Monkey's Dad March 2, 2020