Monkey's Dad's definitions

Sadomaskochism

Deriving gratification, sexual or otherwise, from exposing one's naked facial orifices, flirting with the risk to self and others of suffering, pain and death. Refusing to wear a mask in public, during the COVID-19 pandemic. Sadism and Maskochism combined.

Knowing he might be infecting other people, or that he might get infected, he strode barefaced into the crowd, feeling the thrill of public nakedness, thrilled by his sadomaskochism.

by Monkey's Dad June 12, 2020

experimentally ill

The state of craziness in someone who has abandoned their guardrails, willing to give anything and everything a try in a desperate bid for attention, changing pronouns before reconstructive facial and genital surgery has started, ingesting any illicit substance in a quest for near-death - say, taking the one-chip challenge three times consecutively - risking it all for a tiktok video, claiming enlightenment and liberty by daylight, shaking with fear in the dark.

"Have you seen the person formerly known as Bob?"
"You mean Countess Madge, aka Tongue-Ripper-Tony? I caught his/her/their 'Travel Guide to Swimming Sewer-Gator Canal with CC' this morning."
"Wudja think?"
"Oh, they've gone full-on experimentally ill, which'll last right up till the parents subscribe to their feed.

by Monkey's Dad September 10, 2023

Groundhog Year

A year in which every day feels the same as the day before, and the day before that, stuck in your own private Punxsutawney thanks to Covid.

March 2020 to March 2021 felt like Groundhog Year to many, their working, academic and social lives constrained, confined, out of reach, the old forward motion of days, weeks, months a diminishing dream.

by Monkey's Dad February 22, 2021

sects axe

What religious dyslexics do with each other in the privacy of their bedroom.

They kept a diary detailing their devout if kinky sects axe, confident that if it were ever discovered, no one could decipher it.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

Quaranteenager

A person coming of age in the coronaviral age, home-schooled, missing out on dating, beer, pot and every other rite of social passage.

Watching "Clueless", "Ladybird" and "Booksmart" while in lockdown, she yearned to experience the geeky teen years which were her birthright and hated-hated-hated being a dorky quaranteenager.

by Monkey's Dad March 28, 2020

Cabin Footprint

The amount of carbon dioxide - essentially zero - emitted due to the consumption of fossil fuels by a person in the grip of Cabin Fever, staying at home during the pandemic.

She wasn't flying. She wasn't driving. She wasn't even walking, except to pace her apartment in a state of cabin fever. She figured she could at least be proud of her tiny cabin footprint.

by Monkey's Dad April 6, 2020

Kardashed expectations

Disappointment when the real world of 2020 does not keep up with the Kardashians.

Would like, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kris, Kylie and Kendall ever, like, accept being canceled? It was rigged, fraudulent, they weren't leaving, and someone was gonna pay for her Kardashed expectations.

by Monkey's Dad September 9, 2020