Monkey's Dad's definitions

appearances matter

A wistful notion from the recent-yet-distant time when people saw each other.

Glancing into her closet, filled with lovingly-chosen clothing she no longer wore, slipping on her plastic coat, her mask and rubber gloves to go 'shopping', she recalled what her mother had taught her when she was young, that appearances matter, and wondered when it would be true again.

by Monkey's Dad May 14, 2020

vaccutemporal

An experience of life without time. The absence of a temporal dimension. An extension of simultemporal experience, in which past, present and future are equidistant and simultaneous.

Having grown accustomed to simultemporal experience - living time all at once, rather than sequentially - he was increasingly forced to acknowledge states which were vaccutemporal, wherein the sense of time in any form dissolved.

by Monkey's Dad August 7, 2021

pundemic

A highly infectious contagion in which unfortunate word games spread from one victim to another until the entire nearby population is groaning in pain.

Jack suddenly shouted, "Can February March? No, but April May", laughing uproarious at his own stellar wit. Stan replied, "Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy" smirking at his one-upsmanship, neither hearing the quiet groaning coming from each side of the table - a tragic symptom of the viral pundemic. It was irreversible. Sue chimed in, "Becoming a vegetarian is one big missed steak."

by Monkey's Dad June 8, 2021

impeccably ill-mannered

The quality of knowing how to offend and alienate as many people, in as short a time, as possible.

He was their new neighbor, so comprehensively offensive to everybody that within a couple of weeks of his arrival he was a laughing stock. No one wanted him there. No one was speaking to him, or ever would. He had trained hard to become what he was - impeccably ill-mannered. It was a talent given to few.

by Monkey's Dad May 10, 2021

long distance relationslump

The toll on a couple normally kept apart by distance, now further separated by travel restrictions.

Their New York-L.A. thing had felt dynamic, sharing best-of-both with alternating weeks. After months of facetime but no actual faces, and no actual bodies, they were in a long distance relationslump.

by Monkey's Dad April 17, 2020

Darnella Frazier

The young woman whose eyewitness video of the George Floyd killing by former police officer Derek Chauvin in Minneapolis on May 25, 2020, became a crucial artifact of American history.

Only 17 at the time, Darnella Frazier is to the Floyd killing what Abraham Zapruder was to the assassination of John F. Kennedy, an accidental bystander with a camera, a vital witness to an historic moment. Ms. Frazier's video of the arrest, which recorded Floyd's plea - I can't breathe - as Chauvin knelt on his neck for more than 9 minutes, sparked protests across the country. A witness at Chauvin's murder trial, Ms. Frazier expressed regret for not physically confronting Mr. Chauvin. “It’s been nights I stayed up apologizing and apologizing to George Floyd for not doing more and not physically interacting and not saving his life,” Ms. Frazier said.

by Monkey's Dad March 31, 2021

OMC

Shock at testing positive for the Omicron variant of Covid.

"I sincerely hope you're fully vaccinated"
"Who? Me? ... Why?"
"Your test came back positive. But relax. It will only kill you if you're unvaccinated,"
"OMC"
"OMG! Please tell me..."
"I mean... I figured... if Marjorie Taylor Greene didn't get the shot... or wear a mask... no need, right?"

by Monkey's Dad December 31, 2021