Monkey's Dad's definitions

Virussian Roulette

Flirting with death by going shopping during coronaviral stay-at-home orders.

There was a strong chance of catching the virus, going out was playing Virussian Roulette, but she had stopped caring.

by Monkey's Dad April 13, 2020

The Simpsonian Institution

A bright yellow, spiky-roofed museum on the Mall in Washington, celebrating the Lisa Simpson Presidency. As pre-cognitively laid out in the March 19, 2000 episode, 'Bart to the Future', Lisa has been elected and has moved into the Oval Office to clean up the mess left by President Trump.

On her lunch break, Jane would wander over to the Simpsonian Institution, dreaming of a country under President Lisa, with clean air and water, kindness to all people and animals, the return of ethics and honesty to government, and Mr. Burns in prison.

by Monkey's Dad March 1, 2020

grandstand up

To rise to your feet with a flourish, in such a way that no one can fail to notice you.

With much on his mind, and so much noise in the room, he knew it was time to grandstand up and be heard.

by Monkey's Dad March 13, 2020

Vanishing point

In conversational perspective - the mortifying moment when, having begun to speak, you cannot remember what you wanted so desperately to convey.

He pounded the conference table for emphasis, and stopped... suddenly realizing he was lost, searching wildly but unable to come up with what, an instant ago, seemed so clear... but, uh... was now his vanishing point.

by Monkey's Dad February 27, 2020

error message

From the minor to the global, a warning that something is not right.

She began to interpret the pandemic as a massive error message, a sign to humanity that it had lost its way, and would now be forced to re-order and reconsider.

by Monkey's Dad April 16, 2020

verisimehlitude

The quality in a work of art so enslaved to the reality of its source that it elicits no response.

The sculptor had worked very hard to do this. His sculpture was exactly life-sized, colored and textured to precisely replicate the thing it was imitating, and, standing in the gallery, it looked like a living, breathing security guard. Except that it was not breathing, nor was it living, nor did anyone recognize it as a work of art. Or feel anything about it. Or pay it any mind. An example of craft for craft's sake, it had achieved a state of verisimehlitude.

by Monkey's Dad June 22, 2021

Apptitude

The reflexive belief that "there is an app for everything", eclipsing the experience of simply being alive in the world.

They were in the woods on a sunny spring day. He was looking at the light streaming through the branches. She, having apptitude, was staring at her phone.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I want to know where we are" she answered.

"We are here" he sighed.

by Monkey's Dad April 28, 2021