Monkey's Dad's definitions

Narcissistic personality order

Because the narcissist has no disorder.

"As you insisted, I went to the therapist. She told me I have narcissistic personality order, which she said very few individuals have. I described our relationship and she wants to see you three times a week."

by Monkey's Dad March 6, 2020

dawth

'died and went to heaven', an acronym for the state of happiness beyond words.

Looking at her across the table, staring into her phone as she'd done all through dinner, the joy he felt in being with her on their first date was inexpressible. He texted 'dawth' to her, heard the thrilling 'ping' and thought she might look up and meet his eyes, but... whatever.

by Monkey's Dad July 26, 2022

carnivirus

Virus afflicting carnivores, slaughterhouse workers and meat processors, potentially transmitted to humans by animals.

He knew they were getting sick and dying in disproportionate numbers, but he would think about the carnivirus after he finished his bucket of spicy wings.

by Monkey's Dad May 20, 2020

congrenegation

Forbidden gathering of ten or more people.

Laws of congrenegation went into effect, in an effort to slow the spread of the virus.

by Monkey's Dad March 22, 2020

empathology

The debilitating capacity to feel what another person is experiencing.

Although she herself was still healthy, safe and cared for, she had completely stopped eating, knowing how many others were hungry, isolated and suffering from the illness, immobilized by her empathology,

by Monkey's Dad March 16, 2020

appandectomy

The surgical removal of all traces and knowledge of a pandemic, allowing the patient to move freely about, without mask, without distancing, without concern for the safety of others.

That guy walking right up to you, coughing and passing you by an inch? He's had an appandectomy, with nothing left for him to worry about, except the tilt of his 'make America great again' hat.

by Monkey's Dad July 29, 2020

good cop bad cop

A long-time tactic employed in police interrogation, to force a suspect to drop his guard and open up. Now, a duality threatening the fabric of American social justice.

Standing in a line of peaceful protestors seeking acknowledgment of racial injustice, unsure as to whether the well-armed men before him would protect him or attack him, he saw clearly - the good cop bad cop routine had taken to the streets.

by Monkey's Dad June 13, 2020