Monkey's Dad's definitions

dog dreaming

A sleep state, moving your arms and legs and making sounds, a manifestation of your dreams.

He could see that she was dreaming about running, her legs were going, and she was making little shouting sounds, dog dreaming, the way their poodle visibly dreamed of chasing deer.

by Monkey's Dad April 23, 2020

Newsmocks

A nickname for Newsmax, spoken quietly by some of the network's performers, paid to broadcast the far-right party line, whether they believe it or not.

"Next up on Newsmocks", intoned the host in his dressing room, "security camera proof of Fauci in the Wuhan lab. Don't go away."

by Monkey's Dad August 3, 2021

Psychitis

A variant of psychosis. An episode of psychic inflammation. A brief if intense appearance of being totally off-the-wall psychotic.

His face reddened, his eyes and neck tendons bulging, he screamed into her astonished face, "Don't call me psychotic! Because that makes me crazy. I'm just psychitic! It's psychitis! Look it up in Urban Dictionary!"

by Monkey's Dad September 23, 2022

NewJersification

To take an immaculately beautiful woman and, through blind applications of high-contrast streaks, razor-straight bangs, sharp 45-degree layered angles - acrylic 'fingernails' which soon cover only half the actual nail and look like what exactly? - pounds of makeup, all of which have zero to do with the real woman, her proportions, natural coloration or her perfect, essential beauty, and have everything to do with a state-wide communal aesthetic, n' toin huh intuh a nudduh cookie cuttuh Joisy Goil.

Underneath it all was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or would ever see. Beautiful beyond words. All that had to be done was to simply reverse the NewJersification to which she had , stunningly, submitted .

by Monkey's Dad April 1, 2023

shelter-in-place-ionship

A strenuous test of a couple's compatibility.

Forbidden to leave the house, they had shared every meal, slept, worked, read, watched videos and exercised side-by-side, hour after hour, every night and day for a very long time, and yet they were actually having a good time. She felt that if they survived this shelter-in-place-ionship they could survive anything.

by Monkey's Dad March 27, 2020

I'm Your Tuna Fish Sandwich

From the blues classic - slang for sexual availability.

"Free tonight?"
"I'm your tuna fish sandwich."

"I'm your tuna fish sandwich, spoon me on your bread.
I'm your tuna sandwich baby, best to eat in bed."

by Monkey's Dad February 20, 2023

Bewilderness

An emotional space in which you become hopelessly tangled, unable to see the trees, blind to the forest, wandering in circles, lost.

How had the relationship gone wrong? Could she have just trashed him? No, she must have meant... something else... because... words are only words, he can't be all of those things she called him... or any of them. After so many good times... and why was it getting dark so fast? He'd find his way out of the Bewilderness, in a day or a year. Maybe.

by Monkey's Dad September 10, 2022