Monkey's Dad's definitions
People assaulting each other over mask wearing. Spitting in the faces of cashiers. A man approaching shoppers, giving them an aggressive hug and announcing "Now you have Covid". All that and more can be seen at your local Whoa!lmart.
by Monkey's Dad August 23, 2020
Get the Whoa!lmart mug.The suggestion that you need to wash your hands, and wash them again, specifically with a product that no longer exists, until you become insane with anxiety.
She had scrubbed and scoured her fingers and palms until they were raw, her bottles had all been emptied, and she was on the edge of crazy, needing to find more hand insanitizer.
by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020
Get the hand insanitizer mug."Jack, party of one, your table is ready," Jack said quietly, as he sat down in his kitchen, prepared to enjoy his own company, and his justly famous mac'n'cheese.
by Monkey's Dad April 10, 2020
Get the party of one mug.The number of days it took the United States to add one million cases of Covid-19 to its total. 99 for the first million, 43 for the second, 28 for the third, 14 days for the fourth million, the fruits of heedlessly 're-opening'.
He stared at the numbers. 99-43-28-14. Not a football play. Not the combination to a safe. It was the exponential, viral spread of the disease. He understood that they could reasonably expect the next million cases to accrue in a week.
by Monkey's Dad July 22, 2020
Get the 99-43-28-14 mug.Seeing him walking out of the theater holding hands with another woman?! Three days! after he had broken up with her?! Telling her he wasn't ready for a relationship??!! She smiled at him and said a quiet hello, cursing him ferociously under her breath, hoping he could not see how damnbivalent she was.
by Monkey's Dad March 21, 2020
Get the damnbivalent mug.The self-description of any person who cannot understand the separation of Church and State upon which the United States is constitutionally constructed. A person who does not understand that the United States is equally founded on the guarantee of freedom of religion for all people. A person such as... say... Marjorie Taylor Greene? Yup.
"We need to be the party of nationalism and I'm a Christian Nationalist, and I say it proudly," said Marjorie Taylor Greene, once again demonstrating her intellectual capabilities. Her self-avowal follows her claim that Christian nationalism will solve school shootings and "sexual immorality" in America.
by Monkey's Dad July 28, 2022
Get the Christian Nationalist mug.A book about the author's own life, which very slightly embellishes the truth, as far and as often as possible.
Deciding that her mother was the renegade Ninth Duchess of Waterford, her father a famous and notoriously dissolute rock star, her conception occurring at midnight on the Concord as all around them were asleep, she began her projected ten-volume sortabiography.
by Monkey's Dad February 28, 2020
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