Long Johns's definitions

Bodge Job

Any job done by someone else who are distracted or careless with their work and make a total bodge Job of it.

Also known as Botch Job.

Bob - "I'll have this done in no time."

Customer - "That is what I was worried about, a bodge job."

Or;

Craig - "Yes love, I be there. Ok hun, see you later."

Customer - "Will you be getting on with your work or be on the phone all day and make a total bodge job?"

Or;

Apprentice - "I think I finished the job boss."

Boss - "You made a right bodge job of that haven't you"

by Long Johns August 1, 2012

Can I get a witness

Back in the days when the law was truly an ass, a witness was strong enough to cast judgement on any poor soul they wish to pass blame. Sometimes it took knocking on peoples doors to ask 'can I get a witness', and where the idea for Jehovah Witnesses come from for knocking on peoples doors and throwing the book at them. Taking desperate measures to either clear someones name or to pass blame on to another. Can also be used for those quick marriages some like to have that same day when only set eyes on someone.

Woman: "I'm desperate, please help me to save my son....please, I beg of you."
Stranger: "ok, I see what I can do."
Woman: "thank you, thank you, praise the lord."
Stranger: "Can I get a witness?"
Random Passer-by: "Sure, I'll say he was with me all the time."

by Long Johns August 25, 2013

Bitch slap

A bitch slap is a subtle yet harsh way to make sure they get the point across well and truly. Particularly for those annoying bitches whom just do not get the hint, and keep on and on at you until provoked to 'bitch slap' them, like a wake up call.

Bitch: wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me..

Victim: No, you're alright.

Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.

Victim: I said no, thanks.

Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...

Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?

Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.

Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?

by Long Johns November 27, 2013

MasterDate

to date another masterbater, wanker, solo player, jack off. To find that other one who likes to grab their own balls/fanny and give a good toss.

Do you ever get that wanting feeling to date another masterbater. Defined as MasterDate...it may be solo but you are not alone.

by Long Johns July 7, 2011

Star-ling

Like a 'darling' but someone of a famous background, a celeb, a TV/Film star, singer; of that whom is infatuated, obsessed, admiring, in love with.

"My new found fame for a famous person is such a star-ling."

by Long Johns December 24, 2011

#Selfie

A #selfie, a picture that is self taken over and over and can never be pleased with the slight areas of issues to have with features...like blemishes, wonky eye, big nose, stiff upper lip, double chin....bless whoever has all of those and not just the one!!!

Jilly: (snap) mmmm, now which one should I use? (asks her teddy bear)

Teddy: (just stares)

Jill: well you're no help, you're suppose to point out how beautiful I am.

Teddy: (just stares with a slight shrugging look this time)

Jill: so which #selfie pic am I supposed to use then....mmmmm, how about all of them?

Teddy: (just stares this time with sheer panic)

If only teddy bear could shake his head frantically!!!

by Long Johns November 27, 2013

Circumcision

To have sex with others without being unfaithful to your true heart, as the connecting flowing feelings are not of real when to compare with your real heartfelt lover.

Controlling the flowing love through circumcision, the veins disconnect the heart from the sexual tension you may gain for wanting sex with someone else.

by Long Johns January 23, 2012