Long Johns's definitions

Teacup on a saucer

What seems larger in scale, whatever the object to be, is actually smaller to take. Something that is being supported by another source. A teacup on a saucer.

Janet thought her income would be much more from the looks of things. Only John being the supported one, realistically Janet only had the teacup on a saucer.

by Long Johns February 12, 2013

Waiting for the dust to settle.

As many think of today for some atmospheric clearance of waiting for the dust to settle, it is actually a moment for grief. That time shared and spent during the moments of having someones ashes and the distance it takes till that dust settles to move on.

Sad Joan recently lost her beloved dog. A pet she was always walking everyday, seen by everyone, and spoken to as their nearest and dearest.

Having a cremation for her long lost pet, she carefully placed the ashes upon her mantle piece.
Each day as her closest friends paid their respectful concerns, as they were waiting for the dust to settle. Then the days were becoming brighter again.

by Long Johns October 4, 2014

Halloween

Towards the cold nights, those who hold back from lighting up that fire place - in todays society flicking on the central heating - a group of frighteners will knock on peoples doors. Come from the energy supply, back then was the woodsman who chopped the wooden logs for everyone, to scare people into making use of that paid service.

Jack, the woodsman, spent all his hard working weeks chopping down trees for people to burn on their fires. Only some like to hold on till the very last moment, when matters are important enough to waste more than they can use. Only Jack knows that people like this prevents him earning that extra more for this time of year. So on the night for Halloween, using their given jack-o-lanterns, sends out a group of scarey looking scoundrals to put the frighteners on the village folk to burn. It still happens today in some cases, with todays way for doing things, the dark nights are even more so terrorising.

by Long Johns October 24, 2014

Masturbation

Although, pronounced really as Master Bation, is a suffering of bating who becomes their master. By masturbation, will cast away that tormenting spirit that haunts within their minds. Towards a more well suited ruler to bless their soul once their handy work has endured. Of course, that tormenting spirit finds this as an exciting game to play, so torments constantly non-stop and continually making the masturbation go on and on.

Ben liked having a quick bash of his bishop, only things turned slightly awkward. A tormenting spirit saw this masturbation go on, and realising how the mind his satisfies was not as he prefered. Within bens mind this spirit kept reminding him, by saying 'you're me' non-stop, of the master he has upon his head. So at several intervals, all day and all week, till he rubbed sore, masterbated till his mind was at peace and had the master he wished for.

by Long Johns October 24, 2014

Milking it

When you have no idea of what for, or what it is, where it comes from, how it got there, or even why, however. Keeping the stupid cow decided to go milking it.

A young farm lass had been given a gift, a cow.

Tessa: "Thanks! I think, what is it?!"
Giver: "It's a cow...."
Tessa: "What should I do with it?"
Giver: "I'm not sure, I was hoping you will know?"
Tessa: "Is it a boy or girl, from the look of those....abit unusual?"
Giver: "This is why I don't want it. And think you can make sense of it."
Tessa: "Well, ok....I'll take a look at it...you sure it's called a cow?!"
Giver: "Positive.....when I bought it, someone said, 'finally got rid of the moany old cow'.."
Tessa: "Well, would you know, something seems to be coming out of these dangly things..."
Giver: "Think you might be milking it now..."

by Long Johns October 30, 2014

#Selfie

A #selfie, a picture that is self taken over and over and can never be pleased with the slight areas of issues to have with features...like blemishes, wonky eye, big nose, stiff upper lip, double chin....bless whoever has all of those and not just the one!!!

Jilly: (snap) mmmm, now which one should I use? (asks her teddy bear)

Teddy: (just stares)

Jill: well you're no help, you're suppose to point out how beautiful I am.

Teddy: (just stares with a slight shrugging look this time)

Jill: so which #selfie pic am I supposed to use then....mmmmm, how about all of them?

Teddy: (just stares this time with sheer panic)

If only teddy bear could shake his head frantically!!!

by Long Johns November 27, 2013

Bitch slap

A bitch slap is a subtle yet harsh way to make sure they get the point across well and truly. Particularly for those annoying bitches whom just do not get the hint, and keep on and on at you until provoked to 'bitch slap' them, like a wake up call.

Bitch: wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me..

Victim: No, you're alright.

Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.

Victim: I said no, thanks.

Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...

Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?

Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.

Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?

by Long Johns November 27, 2013