Long Johns's definitions

Bitch slap

A bitch slap is a subtle yet harsh way to make sure they get the point across well and truly. Particularly for those annoying bitches whom just do not get the hint, and keep on and on at you until provoked to 'bitch slap' them, like a wake up call.

Bitch: wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me....wanna go out with me..

Victim: No, you're alright.

Bitch: go out with me, or else.....go out with me, or else....go out with me, or else.

Victim: I said no, thanks.

Bitch: I'm gonna stalk you while you sleep......hear me....stalk you...

Victim: 'bitch slap' now do you get it?

Bitch: I'm going to get you for this, yeah I get it.

Victim: what have I got to do to make the hint sink into her thick skull?

by Long Johns November 27, 2013

MasterDate

to date another masterbater, wanker, solo player, jack off. To find that other one who likes to grab their own balls/fanny and give a good toss.

Do you ever get that wanting feeling to date another masterbater. Defined as MasterDate...it may be solo but you are not alone.

by Long Johns July 7, 2011

Elephart

When you have that bloated gut feeling to go to the toilet, thinking it will be a No.2. But then, the echoes from the toilet bowl encourages the wind released to resemble an elephant farting.....

Jay had a bad case to rush to the toilet for feeling winded. Only his gut feeling was only that, wind and gave off a loud elephart.

by Long Johns November 30, 2011

Bodge Job

Any job done by someone else who are distracted or careless with their work and make a total bodge Job of it.

Also known as Botch Job.

Bob - "I'll have this done in no time."

Customer - "That is what I was worried about, a bodge job."

Or;

Craig - "Yes love, I be there. Ok hun, see you later."

Customer - "Will you be getting on with your work or be on the phone all day and make a total bodge job?"

Or;

Apprentice - "I think I finished the job boss."

Boss - "You made a right bodge job of that haven't you"

by Long Johns August 1, 2012

Nutjob

When a man decides to have his nuts removed to become a woman. A Nutjob can also be in the opposite perspective when a woman has a pair of nuts glued to her vagina to become a man.

Wesley decided to change sex to be Wendy. When his friends found out, one of them said, "why is he being such a nutjob?"

by Long Johns November 13, 2017

Chav

For many years people have been misunderstanding what a Chav resembles.
He can either be the teenage version, or even the old man still living out his teenage image.

Whichever, he will appear in the same looking clothing as before with his hands down his front, after he has sprayed his genitals with some form of deodorant, washed his willy in the sink for not having a bath/shower for days. Still have last weekends hair gel in his hair with extra added on top for the following weekend. And in some cases, particularly the older kind, tend to wear too many rings on their hand, just to show how many of his bros he has secretly given bro jobs to and a souvenir to be grateful for.

Larry: *waiting on park bench in the under 12s playground*
Harry: a'rite mate. Fancy a tug on the old pipe?
Larry: gis a push on da swing first.
Harry: go on then.

Larry: us chav like, gotta stick together like dried spunk on a sock. Right Harry?

by Long Johns August 30, 2019

Clanky

Commotion, loud, attention, noticeable, drawn towards.

Since Joany went on that reality audition show and got recognised in the street, she's been acting very clanky lately.

by Long Johns August 11, 2016