Definitions by Long

Imaginary Girlfriend

A nonexistent girlfriend (not that internet service schtick). I have one of these. The pros far outway the cons. No dates to remember, no birthdays, so you can basically be a slob and get away with it. If you give her some interesting problems, she'll really be 3 dimensional. Mine's a kleptomaniac and a narcissist.

Mom: Where are all your pens?
Me: Bonnie must have stolen them.
Mom: Who the hell's Bonnie?
Me: Exactly.

Imaginary Girlfriend by Long June 22, 2005

Perfect Day 

A day clouded by the wonderful effects of heroin. Also a Lou Reed song.

I'm having a perfect day today, at least til the smack wears off.

Perfect Day by Long April 16, 2005

Guys Like Me 

Someone who is probably never gonna get laid.

Guys like me always come in second

Guys Like Me by Long March 21, 2005

vietnam

A country smart enough to use the press and psychological victories to beat the American military.

America loss the war in Vietnam because they didn't realize they were fighting a relatively unmodernized country

vietnam by Long March 21, 2005

Rock and Tumble 

Sexual position used when you find a frozen caveman, defrost him and have sex with him.

The Rock and Tumble is on a reel in the cutting room floor of a geico commercial.

Rock and Tumble by Long February 13, 2005

reservoir dog 

a guy who works with a bunch of other guys to rob diamonds. the term came from when Tarantino called 'Au revoir les enfants' "that Reservoir movie" and combined it with the movie 'Straw Dogs' to make "Reservoir Dogs."

A bunch of Reservoir Dogs and I are gonna hit up a jewelery store tomorrow.

reservoir dog by Long February 12, 2005

double handed booty slammer 

a sexual position so mysterious, that after using it, you wake off the jersey turnpike with a sundress on. it is a very dangerous thing to attempt.

I remember the last time I gave my girlfriend the ole double handed booty slammer. It took me a month to hitchhike home.

double handed booty slammer by Long February 12, 2005