11 definitions by Kyle Lees
A latex, polyurethane, or natural sheepskin oblong barrier placed over the penis for eliminating most chance of pregnancy for human males who can:
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
'Jeanette is pregnant now.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
'Yeah, definitely.'
by Kyle Lees April 10, 2006
A body type common outside of America, Germany, and China, as it is a type of beauty underappreciated by the people of these countries -- particularly America, where slim people of either sex are perceived as ill (presumably to make the fat people feel better) and slim males are perceived as lacking masculinity and suspected to be homosexual.
In countries such Japan, France, and Sweden, however, thin people are more well-accepted and appreciated without carrying a social stigma.
In countries such Japan, France, and Sweden, however, thin people are more well-accepted and appreciated without carrying a social stigma.
'Oh my God, you are so skinny. You need to put some meat on those bones, hun. Are you anorexic or something?'
'No. Fuck you, lardchugger.'
'No. Fuck you, lardchugger.'
by Kyle Lees February 20, 2006
by Kyle Lees January 21, 2006
Pornographic material featuring legally under-age participants (relative either to the laws of either the viewer's residence or the place of filming). This term can apply to a home-made sex video produced by an under-age couple as much as it can apply to something featuring and produced by a paedophilic or ephebophilic adult.
Viewers preferring this material are likely to be under-age themselves and seeking erotica of their own age group rather than material which would, for them, be teleiophilic or gerontophilic.
Viewers preferring this material are likely to be under-age themselves and seeking erotica of their own age group rather than material which would, for them, be teleiophilic or gerontophilic.
When I was an adolescent, I sought what was labelled as 'kiddie porn' to be gratified by the activity of a couple my own age rather than being a teleiophile.
by Kyle Lees February 9, 2007