9 definition by Hexicon

Top Definition
When you have sex with a condom and all the yellow moisture you generate cakes on top of your pubic hair. The smell of the 'tard patch is bitter and funny, just like mustard. It also becomes really mustardy if all the remains of your condom come out onto the hair.
I have to take a shower baby, I can see my 'tard patch glowing in the dark.
by hexicon September 12, 2006

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Prison term for throwing or rubbing pepper or jalapeño in the eyes of an unsuspecting victim in the shower before taking advantage and buggering him. Meant to describe getting the worst of a disadvantage in any situation.
Larry this is worse that a Jalapeño Popper... My boss just fucking screwed me! He's taking away my IM!
by Hexicon September 26, 2006

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In essence, a Mustard Patch is the remains of an "Aristocratic-style" proportion drunken affair in which a moist and viscous collection of various yellow bodliy fluids (both male and female) is deposited.
"Wow, Jerry. We were so drunk last night that I woke up with a Mustard Patch and I couldn't shower 'cause my folks showed up and I was late for work. I spent the whole day apologizing."
by Hexicon June 23, 2006

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If you are too late in keeping the spill of your condom from dripping onto your partner you have a tardy patch! It comes from mustard patch which I heard these cheerleaders back in high school talking about in front of my locker.
Babycakes, I left my tardy patch on your quilt. Sweetie Pie get out of my bed please and go take a bath.
by hexicon September 12, 2006

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Term related to Antlers, The Thumb Wave, or Fluffing, Growing Antlers is becoming standard sexual practice in the fields of pornography and commercial theater casting. One chick on her knees working two standing guy's cocks. Smiling at the camera.
Too bad you didn't come along Brandon... This chick was into Growing Antlers. Maybe I shoulda called Tuan.
by Hexicon January 05, 2007

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When you have a mustard patch or tardy patch and all the dead sperm spills onto your lover. Usually yellow in color. Mustardy smell due to the latex-sperm combo.
Don't worry baby; it's mustard seed sperm... you'll be fine. Let me get you a german hanky so we can clean you all up.
by hexicon September 13, 2006

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The instance in which a pornstar on her knees takes a cock in each hand, taking turns. Imagine that she is there by herself jerking first the right hand and then the left hand above her head and you'll get the idea.
We went to the corporate dinner/after hours and we met the vice-president of Purchasing... and sometime after last call Nathan and I go to her place. Antlers.
by Hexicon December 29, 2006

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