Herr Doktor Grauwolf's definitions

Harlett O'Scara

a frightening and very unattractive transvestite of the promiscuous persuasion

Did you see that Harlett O'Scara? Whew, that's one double ugly tranny!

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf December 31, 2008

armchair mercenary

an individual, typically male, who incessantly second guesses the outcome of military battles recreated on television. Often addicted to the History Channel, has never served in the armed services, but is an active member of the NRA, an avid gun collector, yet doesn't hunt. Can be somewhat oblivious to spousal interests or needs.

Armchair mercenary: "Bla, bla, bla, then you know honey, if Brigadier General Warren's scouts hadn't found Little Round Top undefended, then Colonel Vincent wouldn't have led his brigade up the hill and set up a picket line. If General Lee's troops had just arrived there, say, just 10 minutes earlier, 20 tops, the Battle of Gettysburg would have been a Confederate victory! The rest would be history! Hey, grab me another beer, would ya?"
Wife: "You are sooo smart, snookums! You're my favorite armchair mercenary! Get your own beer, but just one! Remember? I've got to go, uh..... go and visit my sick friend again."
Armchair mercenary: "Hey, what if the Rebel snipers had had Barrett 50s with match ammo? Where'd I put the remote?

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 25, 2009

black velvet elvis

anything old and exceeding tacky, yet somehow still compelling and cool. Originally, a painting of "The King" done on black velvet using da-glo paint. Any preNAFTA kitsch sourced from Tijuana street vendors.

Dude: "Wow! That plaster pink flamingo is bitchin'! I want it!"
Bernie: "Yeah, that's a 'black velvet elvis' if I've ever seen one!"

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 24, 2009

flocculation

the socially deviant act of fornication with multiple farm animals. Considered by some, an irredeemable sin as it transcends common bestiality.

Bernie: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Since my last confession, I have engaged in flocculation with three sheep, big time. But only once."
Padre: "My son, for you, you sick little bastard, there can be no salvation!"

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 19, 2009