Grumpy Ned's definitions

Have You Eaten?

This is a question typically asked by Nigerians to show care or pretend to worry about your 'stomach'. The question 'have you eaten?' is sometimes met with silence, heavy sigh, or a lie. And If the reply is 'I haven't eaten', there is a chance you will hear 'Go and cook na'.

The question could also suggest strong term of endearment.

The phrase is exactly what you get If someone likes you

It's also an annoying question we love to hear, even though we act like we don't

Three words that have lost their originally intended meaning

A serious inquiry that should not be taken seriously

Boy: Have you eaten?
Girl: Why are you asking?

Boy: I care about you.

by Grumpy Ned May 5, 2022

Alobam

Of Igbo origin. A slangy expression used to describe someone with extreme loyalty, as well as one who supports and brings out the best in you. Originally popularized by Nigerian indigenous rapper, Phyno in 2014, and it's usage spread over the entire population.

Guy 1: Do you trust him?
Guy 2: Chibuzor is my alobam. So yes, i trust him

by Grumpy Ned January 9, 2020

Kowatiate

When someone says something unclear, you can ask them to provide more detail, by asking them to expand or offer more explanation. By so doing, they are kowatiating. Also spelled kowaciate. Pronounced as /kɒwaʃıeıt/.

The word is of Nigerian origin and derived from the Igbo word "Kowa" meaning "to explain" and adding the suffix "tiate" to it.

My parents kowatiated on the value of keeping the sourroundings clean

My teacher asked me to kowatiate on my reasons for having been absent from school

by Grumpy Ned January 5, 2020

Non-Marlian

A person who can see through the terribleness of Naira Marley, and is not affected by his indoctrination.

I'm a non-marlian

by Grumpy Ned January 3, 2020

I Can't Kill Myself

A term Nigerians often use to justify their tiredness or hesitance to do more than they have already done. A phrase that has become a handy excuse for lazy people.

The phrase however, is the first portion of the refrain in a famous song by Timaya with the same name. The song insidiously grows on you, crawls into your ears and lays musical eggs in your brain.

Amaka: Seyi, will you attend tomorrow's meeting?
Seyi: No, i won't. I can't kill myself.

by Grumpy Ned January 4, 2020

Willie Obiano

The 4th democratic governor of Anambra state. He is widely regarded by Anambrarians as one of the worst governors of Anambra state. More commonly known as "Willie the drunk", he is supported mainly by intellectually disabled persons or the 1% who know about his skirt chasing problem. Some of the things he's achieved as governor include:

1. Putting the cart before the horse
2. Refusal to take action during the Onitsha market fire. He was caught hosting visitors and measuring dick with the Nigerian army during the fire. Millions of property were lost; no fire fighters around to help contain the fire.
3. Arranges a photo op with Pope Francis at the Vatican.
4. Bans the operation of commercial motorcycles without setting up an alternative.
5. Incapable of building and maintaining an adequate, safe system of roads and bridges.

6. Blames Peter Obi for his drinking problems and accountability issues.

This is an unbiased definition of Willie Obiano. I kid you not.

I hope someone tells Willie Obiano that he is better at drinking than at being a governor.

by Grumpy Ned February 6, 2020