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Definitions by Gav and the meat-cleavers

arsecandle 

Similar to Hopi Ear-candles in function. These inexpenive and 'scented' candles use heat to draw faeces along their hollow shaft.
"I feel constipated, have you seen the Arsecandles?"

Arse nuts 

The small lumps of faeces and unidentifiable matter that become entagled in ones anal beard or arse hair.
"Holy Crap! I'm festooned with arse nuts!"

fuck socks 

This word can be used an as expletive but this is its secondary purpose. A fuck sock can come under two categories.
It is either a sock placed over the penis during masturbation;
or it is a makeshift condom when the chemist is just too far away.
"Hey mate whats this in the bottom of your sock? Eugghhh! Its your fuck sock!"

Fuck Flannel 

Similar to a Cum Rag. A fuck flannel may not infact be a flannel, it is purely an amount of cloth used to clean up male ejaculate.
"Hey stop wiping that on my curtains! Use your Fuck Flannel!"