Definitions by Doug Waffle

Reply Chicken

A standoff in which two people are both waiting for the other person to text first.

“ They haven’t talked in three days.”

“Reply chicken?”

“Reply chicken.”

Reply Chicken by Doug Waffle June 17, 2026

Clown forensics

The investigation conducted after a disaster has already become too embarrassing to explain honestly.

The board hired Clown Forensics.”

“That bad?”

“Worse. They found documentation.”

Clown forensics by Doug Waffle June 17, 2026

Clown Fucking a Unicorn

(N) A catastrophic and inexplicable event that is far less troubling than the subsequent attempt to conceal it.

Nobody blames you for the clown fucking a unicorn. We blame you for the cover-up.”

“Wait, you’re telling me accounting lost three million dollars?”

“No. That’s the clown fucking the unicorn. The cover-up was the seventeen meetings where everyone pretended it didn’t happen.”

Clown Fucking a Unicorn by Doug Waffle June 17, 2026