Cunck Watch's definitions
A cunck is a low-tier occult fraud, a dime-a-dozen esoteric grifter who talks a big game but delivers nothing except paywalls and ego-stroking. They are not yet fully evolved into an Adeptus Cunckus, but they’re on the path—learning the ways of monetized mysticism, name-dropping, and ghosting customers while still believing they’re a genuine spiritual authority.
A cunck is defined by:
Overusing words like “initiate” and “lineage” to sound important.
Selling PDFs that are mostly copy-paste jobs.
Desperately trying to get name-dropped by bigger occultists.
Defending the grift economy of the esoteric world while pretending to be against it.
Ghosting followers while spamming political cope-posts on Facebook.
Hoards divination decks and grimoires but does more talking than practicing.
Hasn’t yet reached “self-initiated PayPal adept” status, but it’s the goal.
A cunck is a wannabe mystic-for-hire, still cutting their teeth on overpriced workshops and vaguely worded social media posts. They have yet to ascend to Adeptus Cunckus, but they are watching closely, learning the ways of spiritual capitalism.
They are not yet masters of the grift. But they are apprentices in the temple of bullshit.
A cunck is defined by:
Overusing words like “initiate” and “lineage” to sound important.
Selling PDFs that are mostly copy-paste jobs.
Desperately trying to get name-dropped by bigger occultists.
Defending the grift economy of the esoteric world while pretending to be against it.
Ghosting followers while spamming political cope-posts on Facebook.
Hoards divination decks and grimoires but does more talking than practicing.
Hasn’t yet reached “self-initiated PayPal adept” status, but it’s the goal.
A cunck is a wannabe mystic-for-hire, still cutting their teeth on overpriced workshops and vaguely worded social media posts. They have yet to ascend to Adeptus Cunckus, but they are watching closely, learning the ways of spiritual capitalism.
They are not yet masters of the grift. But they are apprentices in the temple of bullshit.
"He hasn’t reached full Adeptus Cunckus yet, but he’s already charging $300 for a ‘custom sigil service.’ Classic cunck behavior."
"A cunck doesn’t actually do magic—they just talk about how magic should be kept out of the hands of the ‘uninitiated’ while selling $99 PDFs."
"I knew he was a cunck the moment he started posting about his 'exclusive private course' while ranting about ‘fascist infiltration’ in the occult community."
"He used to be a serious magician, but now he’s just a cunck—hawking overpriced PDFs while ranting about neoliberal think tank talking points."
"A true cunck will overcharge for an occult course, claim they’re ‘too busy’ to help students, then vanish into the void while obsessively cataloging their tarot deck collection."
"Some say magic is about power. A cunck says magic is about social media engagement, think piece subscriptions, and a $99 entry fee."
"A cunck doesn’t actually do magic—they just talk about how magic should be kept out of the hands of the ‘uninitiated’ while selling $99 PDFs."
"I knew he was a cunck the moment he started posting about his 'exclusive private course' while ranting about ‘fascist infiltration’ in the occult community."
"He used to be a serious magician, but now he’s just a cunck—hawking overpriced PDFs while ranting about neoliberal think tank talking points."
"A true cunck will overcharge for an occult course, claim they’re ‘too busy’ to help students, then vanish into the void while obsessively cataloging their tarot deck collection."
"Some say magic is about power. A cunck says magic is about social media engagement, think piece subscriptions, and a $99 entry fee."
by Cunck Watch March 11, 2025
Get the Cunckmug. CunckWatch is the sacred, eternal duty of exposing HieroCuncks, Adeptus Cunckuses, and all other fraudulent esoteric gatekeepers who monetize mysticism while ghosting students, dodging refunds, and pretending their Dropbox links are divine revelations.
A CunckWatcher is a guardian of magical integrity, keeping an unflinching eye on the world of pay-to-pray grifting, hyper-politicized wizardry, and sanctimonious occult frauds who charge for access to "divine wisdom" while pretending to be above criticism.
CunckWatchers stand at the esoteric crossroads, torches in hand, ensuring that no spiritual con artist goes unmocked.
A CunckWatcher is a guardian of magical integrity, keeping an unflinching eye on the world of pay-to-pray grifting, hyper-politicized wizardry, and sanctimonious occult frauds who charge for access to "divine wisdom" while pretending to be above criticism.
CunckWatchers stand at the esoteric crossroads, torches in hand, ensuring that no spiritual con artist goes unmocked.
🔥 “CunckWatch never sleeps—if there’s an overpriced PDF and a sanctimonious guru behind it, we’re watching.”
🔥 “The HieroCunck thought his fraud would go unnoticed, but CunckWatch has receipts.”
🔥 “CunckWatch: Because someone needs to make sure the high priest of the PayPal Pantheon doesn’t keep getting away with it.”
🔥 “Our sacred duty at CunckWatch is simple—shine the torch, mock the frauds, and make sure no one ever pays $1,800 for an ‘initiation’ delivered via Dropbox ever again.”
🔥 “In the age of the HieroCunck, CunckWatch is the last line of defense.”
🔥 “The HieroCunck thought his fraud would go unnoticed, but CunckWatch has receipts.”
🔥 “CunckWatch: Because someone needs to make sure the high priest of the PayPal Pantheon doesn’t keep getting away with it.”
🔥 “Our sacred duty at CunckWatch is simple—shine the torch, mock the frauds, and make sure no one ever pays $1,800 for an ‘initiation’ delivered via Dropbox ever again.”
🔥 “In the age of the HieroCunck, CunckWatch is the last line of defense.”
by Cunck Watch March 11, 2025
Get the CunckWatchmug.