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Definitions by Catfish Baruni

Can't light a birthday candle with a blowtorch 

Idiom. Used to describe a person's lack of intelligence or inability to perform/achieve a simple task.
Is it any surprise how badly he did? That idiot can't light a birthday candle with a blowtorch.

Shitpullery

The pulling of shit, often, but not always, bullshit; an elevated form of tomfoolery, but instead of Tom being fooled, shit is being pulled; the act(s) of a shit puller.

The performing of shenanigans.
"Of course she hit you! You should have known that mom wouldn't have tolerated any of your shitpullery at Pop Pop's funeral."