Schlort is the antonym of Schlong; that is, it is slang for a small penis, rather than one of more impressive proportion.
Conversation overheard in the Plymouth Co-op: "Dave's not so much got a schlong, but a schlort. I only go out with him as he's got a Subaru"
A sort of morning after sickness involving headaches, dizziness, projectile vommiting/diarrhoea, and a cold-sore or two; usually experienced after a lot of drink, some bad take-away food, and messy sex, most likely of a casual nature. Particulary with a person you wouldn't necessarily want your mates to see.
"Shit, Bro, you should've stopped me drinking those last two jugs of Export. I went and got some chips and a pie and while I was waiting I copped-off with a real minger from Shannon. Went back to her flat and had a real good sesh, know what I mean, yeh? Have I got the 'twazzock bends' now!"