Biggest pile of shit ever written. Gotta love the hidden underlying Mormon morals.
That 100 year old non-human with no blood is so hot and he sparkles! I don't care if he's physically incapable of getting a boner because he has no blood, I'm gonna get myself pregnant from him anyway! -Twilight series
the synthesis (or line, if it is it is knida blurry), of light and dark that begins with the ending of the day and the beginning of darkness. or, the change from dark to light.
The twilight was suddenly upon us and we were cuaght in an abyss if chaos.
A series about vampires that is guarenteed to make you 25% dumber each time you read it.
Twilight raped my brain.
Oh that book twilight is shit.
The entire series is just Meyer (no - wait, my mistake - Bella) swooning over how lucky she is to have such a great he man (aka strong fag), Edward. Edward is from a clan of pussy vampires who never drink human blood. They also have no other vampiristic qualities, so they might as well be Chupacabras. THEN there's the Blacks, an Indian Tribe (so Meyer's got her mix of negro-allusions and redskins) which prominently features Jacob, a boy who, aside from loving Bella for no good reason, is...um... a vampire/shapeshifter?more...
So Edward is (aside from incredibly beautiful and gorgeous and oh-so-Adonis) very stony. He's often compared to marble, granite and limestone. Alright, not limestone. That's me.
Bella is your ho-hum average bitch with nothing better to do than fall in front of cars, rapists, other vampires, werewolf/transformers and other unbelievable scenarios. She always has Mr. Sparkles to get her ass outta trouble.
Breaking Dawn was the shit (literally). She fawns over Edward and when they do it, they get it DONE. Edward beats the bloody mess out of her without her noticing because I guess getting fucked by a marble cock is mezmerizing enough to not notice you're being bruised like a beat-down banana. Ed is too afraid to hump her again, but Bella seduces him (???~!!!!) with the sorriest lines and he does her again. This time he can focus his horny powers and busts the headboard open. And, oh yeah, bites pillows. Because to 12-30+ year old women, men who bite pil...
Everyone seems to refer to Twilight (the people who hate it, that is) as a stupid book for teenie-boppers that makes 13 year old girls brainwashed.more...
And people say 13 year olds have absolutely no idea whats wrong with Twilight and that they're all stupid and don't know good literature and that the "teenie-boppers" are blind to Bella's Mary-Sueness.
Thats partially true.
1) Fuck you. I'm 13.
2) Bella is a nagging, whiny, Mary Sue who says corny things and needs to stfu already about banging Edward. All she wants is to get some. In Breaking Dawn she DID get some, and got knocked up.
Then she gave birth to the mutant, showoffy, "look at me, I'm one month old and I can speak in proper sentences!" Nessie that Jacob unfortunately has to be the soulmate of.
Edward is boring and wears khaki pants and thinks he can get away with it.
It has no morals or actual point.
The AMAZINGG ending of the AMAZING story?:
Bella becomes a vampire soccermom, Edward finally got laid, Rosalie almost killed Bella with a scalpel (too bad she didnt) and there was absolutely NO AWESOME WAR,
Seriously. I wanted a fucking war. I wanted the Volturi's limbs to be flying everywhere as the Cullens get torn apart in a tangle of Werewolves and sparkly people.
But no. Breaking Dawn was wedding, knocked up, Nessie, the end.
Also, Stephenie Meyer spoils Bella with dresses, amazing weddings, fancy food and pretty much give Stephenie Meyer whatever she wants.
I'd write more but I need to go.
A badly written book by Stephenie Meyer about a sparkling "vampire" *coughfairycough* named Gary-SueCullen who falls in love with a human, Mary-Sue Swan.more...
Gary-Sue is an abusive, 100 year old virgin stuck in the body of a 17 year old. Mary-Sue is a complete idiot who can't think or do things for herself. Gary-Sue loves Mary-Sue ONLY because of the way she smells. (Time of the mont, amirite?) Mary-Sue only loves Gary-Sue because he's "hot", cold to the touch and his skin is as hard as stone. (Statue fetish, anyone?)
Mary-Sue also falls in love with Pedo Bear the werewolf.
Gary-Sue promises he'll never leave Mary-Sue and that he'll always love her. Then he dumps her and Mary-sue flings herself off a cliff because she's so emo and can't live without her sparklepire boyfriend.
Later on Gary-Sue fucks Mary-Sue so hard it hurts her and gets Mary-Sue pregnant and rips the baby out of Mary-Sue's stomach with his teeth.
Because Pedo Bear could not score with Mary-Sue, he imprints on the infant vampire mutant... demon... thing, making her his future wife. In 7 or so year...