iPad was a prototype for a feminine hygiene product that purported to digitize a woman's menstruation cycle and store it on a password-protected Web server.1
In the trademark application submitted by the inventor, Dahkness, the iPad was described as a "a light-weight, leak-proof device that, for the first time, will allow women to perform the acrobatics illustrated in television ads for tampons and sanitary napkins, rather than just aspire to them. No longer will women feel frustrated watching commercial actresses leap over fire hydrants, attempt gymnastics routines, and randomly flail their legs around to illustrate the point that their menstrual protection doesn't leak. With iPad, a woman's cycle continues as normal, it just doesn't happen down there."2
Dahkness, who claims the iPad as his only invention, became embroiled in controversy over the device when early testers reported quitting their jobs, breaking up with their significant others and sending angry texts to friends in the days surrounding the "upload period."3
Testers also reported finding Dahkness creepy.4
At an emotional press conference in 2001, Dahkness responded to a growing chorus of skeptics, who were demanding more disclosure about the device, by saying he couldn't "be expected to invent something that would prevent women from being women."5
Though the FDA was more than happy to approve the device without knowing anything about it except its name, which a spokesperson reportedly called "catchy,"6
a Bush Administration official blocked the passage of the device in 2002, saying it was "1984-ish" and "sounded
a hell of a lot like pro-choice to me."7
Dahkness retired in 2009 when Apple Computer, Inc. bought the rights to the name iPad for an undisclosed six-figure sum.8
A piece of technology from Apple Inc. that's less functional than a laptop and less portable than an iPhone. Lacking any features that aren't already done better by other devices such as the Amazon Kindle, the iPad is considered the best way to waste $499 in 2010!
I would have bought an iPad, but I have an IQ of more than 60 and don't drool over a piece of technology just because Apple says it's good.
An iPod on steroids
The iPad doesn't fit in my pocket. It's too big.
That's what she said.
A sanitary pad that contains an embedded MP3 player.
loved it when her time of the month came around and she could listen to tunes on her iPad.
n. thin, lightweight device for managing iFlow during iPeriods
So much *data*! Good thing I've got my iPad to keep it from leaking into my iPanties!
An oversized iphone that has no practical use at all.
"Oh look another apple product! I must buy the iPad! Even though it can only run one application at one time and does not have the full capabilities of a real tablet pc."
Apple's revolutionary new sanitary napkin device for females. The iPad senses when it's that time of the month and automatically sends a message to a pre-programmed phone number, letting your man know that he's not getting sex tonight. Sensors tuned in to your brainwaves can accurately forecast your mood up to 12 hours in advance, automatically queueing up The Notebook in your Netflix video on demand while simultaneously ordering chocolate to be delivered to your front door.
Forget tampons. Try the iPad today!
Andre: ...it was seriously the biggest fish I have ever caught dude - hang on I got a text. Oh fuck.
Tim: What's going on today?
Andre: I just got a message from my wife's iPad. It's forecasting her mood as "Nazi bitch".
Tim: Dude, I would not want to be you.
Andre: Yeah, can I spend the night on your couch?
Apple's giant iPod Touch.
Announced January 27, 2010. Made with intentions to replace laptops but fails by not running Flash, not having USB ports, no multitasking and no cameras.
My iPod Touch was getting old. I'm glad I have a new, bigger one that doesn't fit in my pocket. Thanks, iPad!