Holding happiness hostage 

Nah...

Hym "I think you're holding happiness hostage. 'You don't deserve to be happy unless you adopt one of the acceptable axiomatic frameworks of perception and if your refuse to do it I'm justified in cannibalizing you.' Is what you're really saying. No. Not doing it AND I'm not going to let you punish me for not doing it. I'll punish you for trying to punish me. You'll look like an complete idiot. I'll do the thing I was going to do anyway. Everybody wins."

Holding happiness hostage by Hym Iam August 14, 2023

Holding your sausage hostage 

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Taking matters into your own hands
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Jeremy, finding himself all alone, with a ready supply of porn, decided to take his sausage hostage."

Holding your sausage hostage by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

Holding your sausage hostage 

Roughing up the witness.
A date with Rosy Palm and her five sisters.
Washing the goose's neck.

Holding your sausage hostage by Anonymous September 27, 2003

Holding your sausage hostage 

roughing up the suspect.
rub one out.

Instead of holding the sausage hostage, I decided that I'd be roughing up the suspect.

Holding your sausage hostage by blotter November 17, 2003

Holding the sausage hostage 

a wank

Chris: Hey Jack, whats an entertaining way to masturbate?
Jack: Try holding the sausage hostage.
Chris: Oh my god it works!

Holding the sausage hostage by the big bum December 9, 2020

Holding the sausage hostage 

Subscribing to Versinul (aka having a wank)

Chris: Hey Jack, whats an entertaining way to masturbate?
Jack: Try holding the sausage hostage.
Chris: Oh my god it works!

Holding the sausage hostage by the big bum December 9, 2020

Holding your kids hostage 

Right!? It's totally like that!

Hym "It's like I'm holding your kids hostage... In a house where the door is WIDE open and my demands are... To not have my rights perpetually violated and to be paid for my own labor and property... And instead of, like, tying your kids up... I'm, like, not even watching them at all... And it's YOUR HOUSE.... And you're there in the house with me and can get me to leave whenever you want... And I'm giving YOU the ransom money... And I literally built you your own robot butler... Like... Literally. I literally allowed for robot butler to be an actual possibility IN OUR LIFETIME... ME! And your kid thinks I'm cooler than you... And I AM! AND! And... I don't want to be there... But I DO have a knife though and will stab the absolute piss out of everybody!"

Holding your kids hostage by Hym Iam March 2, 2025