Top Definition
The only brand of toilet paper that, when used, leaves more shit on you than you started with. Also see Daily Heil.
Daily Mail your garden: shit helps plants grow.
by Ken Livingstill February 16, 2005
British newspaper aimed at conservatine, middle class housewives. Regards itself as a serious newspaper despite the fact that it is clearly tabloid.

It claims to be a moral voice of the people but is in fact a paper designed to indulge the quasi-racist/homophobic/bigotted views held by much of middle england.

The paper loves nothing more than creating a moral panic and has done so over the years on subjects ranging from hoodies to water bottles.

The Daily Mail typically finds time to bleat on about the terrible state of Britain today in its police force, NHS, Education system and policy on immigration. It is truly creative in finding a whole bunch of ways of paraphrasing "Kick all asylum seekers out. We hate foreign people".

The Daily Mail burns rather nicely and is just the right size to cover cat litter trays.
Typical Daily Mail headlines:

"Black person gets job"
"Presenter says word sex on TV"
"My angelic little girl was made to wear a hoodie by a gay immigrant paedophile communist"
by Boylio March 12, 2006
1.) The Fearmonger's Bible.
2.) A paper for Middle Class, Middle Aged, Middle Englanders' wives.
3.) Where bad journalists go to get paid employment.
4.) Not a tabloid, honest.
1.) "Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
2.) "My word, dear. Britain appears to be overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
3.) "I have no journalistic integrity whatsoever, so I'll state that Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer..."
4.) "We state the Truth, such as 'Britain is being overrun by terrorists/asylum seekers/alcopops/video nasties/Lee Bowyer...', which you won't see in The Sun."
by OD Smith April 08, 2005
a newspaper that, along with the Sun, sums up all that is wrong with the UK today
mainly read by lower middle class snobs who beleive every word printed in this piece of poisonous filth and therefore form their opinion of the world from it
the mail-wouldnt wipe me arse with it
by bigmeuprudeboy September 10, 2003
Adj. - used to describe actions or words that are both xenophobic/bigoted/homophobic/racist and highly sensastionalist.

Symptomatic of a "less tax and less blacks" attitude.
A: Oh my God! Get that black man away from me! He'll eat my babies! Think of the children! Oh won't somebody think of the children!?

B: Oh, be quiet, must you be so Daily Mail about it?
by Emo_Ed November 24, 2004
Cheap, affordable kindling for the camper in a hurry.
"We'll never get this coal burning without a Daily Mail"
by Mr Ned September 14, 2005
1. Snobbish and obsessed with 'proper diction'

2. Obsesses over royalty, members of the aristocracy, and the upper classes in the same way that the Sun obsesses over Z-list celebrities and WAGs

3. Home to Richard Littlejohn, a self-satisfied prick who can't spell the name of the Iranian president and therefore refers to him as President I'madinnerjacket; insists upon spelling things phonetically to make himself feel superior; scaremongers over: taxes, Gordon Brown, so-called 'political correctness' and the apparent failures of the UK police force; displays clearly bigoted views yet claims not to be racist

4. Home to Amanda Platell, who is clearly a female misogynist and hates Natasha Kaplinsky, presumably purely because, despite her many flaws, she isn't a moon-faced, woman-hating cow who writes for a tabloid rag

5. Home to a whole host of prejudiced idiots whose parents were probably Daily Mail readers and members of the National Front; they should be sat down and told that not all immigrants want to kill them, and no immigrants want their job. In fact, NOBODY wants their job.

6. Actually believed that bird flu was going to wipe out half the world; believed the same about every single so-called epidemic before it; predicts The End Of The World every other month, whether it be by asteroid, epidemic or nuclear war

7. Read by impressionable fools who base their own opinions on the Daily Mail's bullshit

8. Has an on-off feud with The Times; hates The Independent, Polly Toynbee, Tony Blair, and, surprisingly, David Cameron, because he does not subscribe to their particular brand of Right-wing politics; disdains the Sun, the Daily Star, the Mirror and the News of the World despite being only one rung above them (purely because their page 3 happens not to have a topless woman on it); sister paper to the Daily Express

9. Believes everybody should have a job, regardless of illness, is under the impression that depression is not a valid illness and that anybody on benefits is Leeching Off the Welfare State and Stealing Taxpayer's Hard-Earned Money

10. Obsessed with Taxpayer's Money and the fact that they are taxpayers

11. Obsessed with hating speeding fines and speed cameras

12. Has to have an article EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY about 'PC gone mad', purely to further its BNP-loving, homophobic, racist, Islamophobe agenda

13. Constantly self-publicises, telling its readers that it has won another award or that one of its precious 'campaigns' have made the world a better place. Fond of saying 'as we always said' or 'as the Daily Mail has said from the start'

14. Believes date rape and marital rape are completely acceptable, and that all women should join the Submissive Wives movement

15. Exaggerates everything
Daily Mail headlines:


"The Queen is awesome!"

"I am Richard Littledick and EVERYTHING IS BAD AND WRONG and I am a ridiculous, reactionary, pathetic buffon!!1"

"I'm Amanda Platell and I hate all women but ESPECIALLY NATASHA KAPLINSKY!!1"

"Everybody but us sucks"


"We r taxpayers, hurr hurr"

"Speeding cameras ARE SO CRAP!!1"

"Look; it's PC gone mad! A man was ARRESTED for beating up a Muslim! The horror!"


"Shut up about being raped and make my tea"

by Dickface Faceofadick May 12, 2007
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