1. Actually fit into the damned things without losing all bloodflow and causing permanent damage.
2. Do not experience an extremely vast, sexually debilitating loss of sensitivity due to the thickness of the material and the lack of circulation.
Condoms, among those with penises longer than 190mm or wider than 52mm, are sometimes likened to wrapping a standard rubber band around one's wrist sixteen times and then trying to play a musical instrument, such as a piano or guitar, using that hand, for an hour. Generally, in such a scenario, one's hand will experience first pressure, followed by throbbing pain, succeeded by a piercing pain, ending finally in numb limpness and likely permanent or long-lasting damage to nerve endings or blood vessels.
Such individuals generally protest that while condoms are a brilliant invention, they need to be made to accomodate more human proportions, as they are available in two basic sizes: short and fat, or long and narrow. In all latex or polyurethane cases, the elastic band at the base of the condom is always 2" (0.06mm), which is the root of the problem yet does not vary with the width of the shaft and head areas of the condom sizes.
The only reasonably sized condoms in these cases are the natural condoms, which are unfortunately made of sheep intestine, and smell like it. Yet this type proves an option preferrable over the absurd designs of the vast repertoire of other condom types.
'What? Kevin, didn't you wear a condom?'
'Yeah, it was actually the first time we ever used a condom in our seven years of having sex, but I stayed inside her for hours and didn't notice until it was too late, because I was wearing the condom.'
'Wow. Should have stuck with withdrawal, huh?'
2)don't be silly wrap you willy
3)don't be a fool wrap your tool
4)don't be a ding-dong cover you shling- shlong
5)dont be a wenis protect you penis
6)dont share your sperm over your worm
7)before you spank her cover your wanker
8)If theres gunna be affection cover your erection
9)if your gunna banger cover your wanger
10) There only a buck get one before you fuck
11) Dont be stupid wear a fuckin condom
Poem: "Safety First"
From Japan to the USA
They claim their place
In every bathroom or bed stand.
Lying within worn, cardboard boxes
Taunting all that stare
Embarassed by their intentions.
The perk function they perform;
To bring intense,
Erotic, ribbed pleasure
To those otherwise not meant to experience
Such sesual, twisted touch.
With the strength and Endurance
Of the Trojans invading Rome
They protect patrons each day.
By limiting the populations of teenage mothers,
They serve a necessary purpose for society
Often going without appreciation
Tossed aside after each use.
Representing all colors of the rainbow
All flavors of fruit
Chocolate, root beer,
Scented lilac, tropical breeze,
They make safety a carnival
Of lightly lubricated latex!
They've come to fill
A major role in many relationships
Knowing no discrimination,
They aid anyone willing to spend
A few crucial dollars.
Evolving from their original form of sheep skin,
They are the latest
In sexual exploration
Enjoyed by both old and young,
Single and married.
Pinch the tip,
Roll them on.
They are the perfect fit.
Hope you enjoyed this demostration of literary creativity!!