Dictionary Definition: Homous Burberryus (i) Homous Burberryus, adj as in Chavlike or Chavish (ii)noun given to a social class group called the Chavs who are frowned upon by other classes; literal meaning: Council Housed And Violent (iii) noun the Normal-Normans group accuse anyone who looks like they like football or rap and call them it.

Also known as: Yobbs, Hooligans, Scum, ASBO Regulars, Vandals, Dope Scroungers, Neds, Townies, Kevs, Charvers, Steeks, Spides, Bazzas, Yarcos, Ratboys, Kappa Slappers, Skangers, Scutters, Janners, Stigs and Scallies.

Description: Means Council Housed And Violent. they are often mistaken for Townies who choose to follow in their culture but are really just puffs. They generally are known for: smoking, drug taking, drug dealing, vandalism, rowdy behavior, wearing Burberry and florescent clothes so a car won’t run them over when they occasionally dive into the road, wearing trainers, stealing and getting Anti Social Behavior Orders. They are generally quite violent and hang out in massive groups where there is a light, similar to its cousin species the moth. These moth/ape hybrid are intolerant of any kind of authority or order. They are found in cities and large towns where the crime rate is high. They are conscious of the fact there are other rivals that may not like them, so they hang out in big Gangs to stop someone kicking the living crap out of them.

Possible names of gang: White City Crew, Bowling Hard Boys, Stanway Massive, Lexden Rude Boys, West Burgholt Click and The Ones Who Ride Around On BMXs Down That Road To Tollgate Crew.

Possible name of member: Tyrone, Bianca, Champagne, Eleanor Rigby or Malteser.

Hang-out Locations: They are quite picky as to where they hang out; they usually pick a place near an offlicence with an alley and space to run if the Police come past. They are quite light sensitive and at night they will flock to the nearest light, nightclub or rave. They like to be somewhere with other people to provoke or “Happy Slap”.

Historical Background: It is believed by some they have evolved from Moths or Apes, but new evidence suggests they are merely single celled amoebas who have adapted to our form of life and leech off our country’s benefits. They have inspired Townies from middle-classed areas of society to unveil themselves as lazy, skiving members of society. They take many influences from the American Ghetto lifestyle and try and re-create their culture in England, but it doesn't work as a drive by in England would involve a typical London Cab with the Queen driving Prince Charles with a shotgun and Sherlock Holmes Smoking his pipe in the back talking to Charles Dickins.

Characteristics: At first sight they very violent and nasty pieces of work, if you see that then you have good observational skills as they are exactly that. They tend not to go to work but collect benefits from the post office, steal, deal drugs and watch Jerry Spinger and Trisha the whole morning. These sloth-like living piles of rubbish exist for the sole perpose of one reason and one reason alone, to annoy the curtain-twitching grannies to blame all young people for everything bad that happens in the world. The phrase every DOG has their day applies mainly to the elderly on the Local news program, where the main stories are about fences, land, digging holes and planning permission, are hijacked by a story of a chavling getting an ASBO for looking at an old person funny. This inspires satirical right wing “comedians” to jump on there band-wagon of rousing up support in hatred of kids and how they “cost us money to feed and are a waste of air”. In a the case of these particular type of person, that would be a viable statement.

Ideals and Beliefs: In Chavdome as with other cultures, it is considered a sin to dob on one another. Also in Chavdome the word “Gay” must be used in every sentence and at every opportunity. Quotation from Tyrone’s Geography Exercise Book Back Page “Millers is such a GAY innit and Bianca is such a cow cus she is a minger innit lol”. Not complying with any of Chavdome’s complicated belief system will result in action being taken depending on the circumstance, who done it and what they did. It is a major sin in Chavdome to not have the newest mobile with the “Crazy Frog Remix” set as the ring tone. It is considered funny by them to take part in an activity known as “happy slap”; happy slapping is a registered sport in which a participant will say “HAPPY SLAP” and slap the unwilling and seemingly uninformed opponent. Many chav clerics will extend beyond the happy slap and record the response of the unwilling pedestrian being hit with a variety of objects, like: Traffic cones, wheelie bins, fence posts, sticks, the elderly and anything within the immediate area of the participating player.

Social Ladder: To climb their social ladder you must at first loose all conscious thought and assume the position of a constipated Gorilla. Then one will notice you and offer you some drugs, take them and act stoned all day, steal stuff and then you are considered cool.

Academics: What they lack in effort and logical qualifications, they make up for in the physical field of legging it from a Policeman and their knowledge of the local area and how it works. This makes them prize criminals but they do occasionally make the mistake of spay painting their name in the house they just burgled.
Hobbies and Activities: They enjoy: Running from Policemen, shoplifting, fights, gang fights, fat people falling over, mugging, drugs, smoking, more drugs and football hooliganism when they can fit it in.

Symptoms: To spot one is easy, in a uniformed situation like a school, they will do anything to make themselves look like they are not part of that school, e.g. wear a hoody under blazer. They also sound a lot like there is a very loud jet engine coming past and they want to be heard, even though the room is quiet.
Physical and Material Apparel: They would traditionally wear a Burberry baseball cap, a Nickelson shirt, a white Ecko hoody, sovereign ring, tracksuit trouser tucked into the socks, your trainers and a 10Kg chunky gold plated necklace. Other than appearance there are more ways to spot a chav. For example, the chav will always carry a mobile on him or her at all times incase they are contacted at any given moment 24/7, or there is a funny dead tramp on the road, or someone to happy slap and record on their video phones. Normal people also have mobile phones, but they will always have a newer version and the ring tone will be set to the “Crazy Frog Remix” or any other top 40 “Jamster” Hit.

Favorite phrases: “What are you looking at?”, “Yeah but no but well I burnt my ID cus I don’t even need it” and “Ha Ha Ha Ha- Gay!” and “HAPPY SLAP”.

Picture this a young lad about 12 years of age and 4 ½ feet high baseball cap at ninety degrees in a imitation addidas tracksuit, with trouser legs tucked into his socks (of course, is definitely the height of fashion). This lad is strutting around, fag in one hand jewellery al over the over, outside McDonalds acting as if he is 8 foot tall and built like a rugby player, when some poor unsuspecting adult (about 17/18) walks round the corner wanting to go to mcdonalds for his dinner glances at the young lad, the young lad jumps up in complete disgust and says “Whats your problem? Wanna make sommin of it? Bling Bling” when the adult starts to walk towards the young lad, the young lad pisses himself and runs off to either his pregnant 14-year-old girlfriend or his brother in the army crying his eyes out.

Derived from Chatham in Kent, this term can be applied loosely to every culture with a nasty, thieving element. There are many variants of this creature but all are subject to the following commonalities:

Chavs are completely Amoral, having never been subjected to right and wrong by their inattentive, uncaring and often absent parents.

Chavs are part Magpie, evidentially supported by their love of all things shiny, or as vaccuous, illiterate street-slang would say 'Bling'. They can be seen twokking from the Jewelry counter in Argos/Index.

Whatever their ethnic background, Chavs have a built-in affinity to hip-hop/R&B, even if they are inherently racist (see the Scottish). They see their life as glamorous and cool.

Chavs are for the most part, extremely stupid. However, some of them render a form of low cunning, which can be misinterpreted as intelligence. However this is false. A Chav has no desire to better themself through honest means nor learn anything outside of car modification.

All chavs think that they are nails. Again, this is false. Sitting in a beaten up nova smoking lamberts does not precipitate a healthy body. The irony being that a Chav owns mainly sportswear, yet will ...

Chav - Sub species of human

Commonly thought to be of inferior intellect, the Chavette surprises us with its cunning plan to avoid taking up a professional career and provide itself with free accommodation supplied by tax payers by spawning multi coloured mini chavs at a early stage in life, usually mid teens.
Clearly recognisable by their distinctive tribal Burberry they congregate in town centres and on street corners, Chavs have a reputation of being creative with public property and motor vehicles, building themselves Chaviots out of mechcano sets and strip lighting, and providing us with humorous banta written on toilet walls like ‘Shit’ and ‘Tasha woz ere’ in an attempt to relieve our boredom while urinating.
Their language is a basic form of English thus avoiding any words they cannot spell or pronounce, even to the extent of creating new words only they know the meaning of.
Hunting in large groups Chavs will single out the weakest, smallest prey and attack it without mercy avoiding any personal injury and insuring victory.
Chavs unfortunately don't yet fall into the category of rodent and in effect cannot be bludgeoned to death under the guise of pest control. Darn!-
I think I speak for everyone when I say thank you Chavs for the great contribution you’ve made to this country, you’ve made it what it what it is today – a shit hole.

Chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. As in “you shitty scum chav”, or “Hey I like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.

The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.

The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.

Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Tra...

Oh the simple Chav, what a constant source of amusement you are!
Chavs are the dregs of human existence. They live merely to piss everyone else off with their love of crap clothing and manky gold jewellery.
They have taken the wearing of tracksuits and baseball caps to a new level of pikieness.
Chav girls (or chavettes) commonly sport the Croydon Facelift (hair pulled back in a bun so tight that it pulls their faces tight) with at least 6 dangly faux-gold earings in each ear. Also often seen pushing a pram round shopping centers while chain-smoking and wearing fake burberry or nasty velour tracksuits. A favourite accessory is a hideous gold articulated clown dangling from a thick gold chain around their pimply acne scarred necks.
Male chavs hang around in gangs spitting alot and trying to start fights with small children or anyone else that they could easily overpower (which really is just small children!). Once they are of driving age they obtain a clapped out old Nova or Metro and then spend a fortune (no one knows where this money comes from, it is one of the many mysteries of the chav) "maxing it up" with big wheels, sound systems and a huge "wanker pipe" exhaust. Chavs can be seen in any copy of Max Power magazine proudly displaying their efforts at automotive design - tossers !!!

Emerging British subculture which is quickly becoming an epidemic. Chavs can be found the length and breadth of the country, hanging around any junk food outlet, off licence or just hanging around the streets, where they pass the time by vandalising property, drinking cheap cider, shouting abuse at passers by and terrorising old people.

Appearance: Chavs have a strict dress code. Designer labels are everything, although knocked off/fake items are almost de-rigeur. Typically, the male chav will wear a Nickelson or Schott hooded top, baggy tracksuit trousers, white designer trainers, and a baseball cap by burberry or Nike. The female chav (chavette) will have peroxide blonde hair scrunched so tight into a pony tail with colourful scrunchies that her forehead stretches. She will wear a dark blue tracksuit with white stripes, an enormous puffa jacket, hoop earrings, and white trainers. Female chavs are forbidden from wearing socks, and all chavs must wear as much fake gold jewellery as they can fit on their bodies. Mobiles are an added status symbol, and when equipped, the chav must shout into it in the most anti-social way possible, using at least one expletive and the word "innit" per second. Every other word in between should be unrecognisable to non-chavs.

Cars: Typically the Vauxhall Nova, but could include Ford Escort/Orion, Vauxhall Astra, and for chavs with "bling", even a totally shagged 3 series BMW. Whatever the type of car, it must have a spoiler shaped plank...

The male of the species, the 'chav', is often to be found lurking in braying packs close to fast food outlets or late night stores. It displays a distinctive livery with which it attempts to attract the female ('chavette') - most commonly, the Burberry-effect baseball cap (placed at a jaunty angle, sometimes partially covering the face - this is known in some cultures as 'snidey'); the 'sports' clothing (this is somewhat confusing as the chav is not renowned for its athletic abilities) and countless items of 'bling' (Chav patois meaning jewellery or other adornments). The origins of said 'bling' are various as the chav typically possesses neither a means of employment or indeed any type of education. Chavettes, meanwhile, tend to have hair in at least two colours, ill-fitting tops and white tracksuit tops (usually Kappa). Note their ornate 'love bites': tribal cicatrices around the neck, usually perpetrated by a near-toothless male known as Kev, Daz, Gaz, Baz, Tez or some other monosyllabic name.

Health and Education

Chavs can often be seen smoking - an activity which causes them to spit and cough, but only in public places (see above). They imbibe alcohol, normally in the form of cheap lager / cider normally obtained illegally. This often gives them the impression that they are 'hard' and they will thus attempt to start fights with anyone/thing smaller than them. However, upon retaliation of their prey they tend to run away.

Chavs are, believe it or not, to be fo...