The moment in which you now no longer resemble a human being but look more like a beached whale ready to take its eternal rest. protocal requires you to update you facebook status to read "beached whale status", but chances are your not gonna get it up there.

**You are now at the point of no return, you will not move for the rest of the night unless there is an emergency**
idiot: yo hand me my phone

You: dude i cant im beached whale status right now
by Mr.DirkAsFuck February 18, 2011
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N. In the same category as the awkward turtle, awkward flag, and awkward moose, the awkward beached whale is the act of placing one's palms face-down on-top-of each other, such that the thumbs stick out to either side. The individual then proceeds to alternately wiggle the thumbs. For maximum awkwardness, proceed to make sounds similar to that of the blue whale.

V. To do as described above.
Person 1: "Wow, I feel awkward."

Multiple People: "Hmm, not us. I guess it's just you."

Person 1: *Does awkward beached whale hand motions*

"Whooo...oahhhh....wahooah"

*Feels exceedingly less awkward*

Multiple People: "Wow, we feel awkward now."
by captainduncan December 11, 2006
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a scandalous online newspaper made by some amazingly genious girls
Did you read about *** getting shafted by **** in The Beached Whale today??
by Tabatha November 5, 2003
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when on a beach (preferred, but may also partake away from the beach)when a woman is on her knees and forearms and her hands are in the praying position, and the guy kneels behind and proceeds to stick his wang into her anal orphace until he gets sand (or excrement)on his member, therefore being (beached)
michelle cheated on tyler when she gave EJ a beached whale, which caused him to always look guilty.
by andyland June 20, 2004
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A male who in desperation or drunk will seek out a fat chick to take home and rescue her from being a virgin. Also so he can get laid to fill that void.
Aaron: Hey Josh, I heard you took Amy home last night?

Josh: Yea?

Aaron: Dude she looks and weights much as a beach whale!

Josh: So?

Aaron:When did you get your membership for the BWRT(Beach Whale Rescue Team)
by escnuk3r September 19, 2011
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N. When one of your friends takes a fat girl home and rescues her from virginity. Most of the whales can rely on a black male to get the job done, because they like big asses and they will make her happy with an anaconda that will give her a kid, that he won't support. Normally anyone with any standards will not get near a good year blimp unless they are drunk, but for those of us who want to fuck something we can see through binoculars, will avoid joining this team. The team helps fat chicks get laid and they help us get one hell of a blowjob that we won't tell anyone because if so than they will ask if she bought dinner.
Aaron: Hey Jason I hear you part of the beach whale rescue team.
Jason: What do you mean?
Aaron: That whale I saw you kissing on last night in the corner to where no one could see you.
Jason: Yea man, but fuck you she gave good head and gave me breakfast, before I disappeared out the back door.
Aaron: Why did you choose to rescue her?
Jason: I was drunk and needed a slut buster.
by syn0psys- September 19, 2011
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